JENNIFER DUTTON sweaty They are so wet they make sweat footprints when they walk across the mat 4. COACH JULIAN DOESN'T KNOW MY NAME He keeps calling me Alexis It doesn't even sound like Angie It's very demoralizing 5. COACH GARY'S BREATH STINKS He gets in my face to explain instructions There is no escape 6. BEING A WHITE BELT IS THE WORST White belt means beginner which means fresh meat It takes forever to move on to the next belt To show progress the coaches wrap pieces of black rubber tape to make stripes around the belt I'm at two stripes which makes me the lowest ranking kid in class The other kids beat me EVERY SINGLE TIME 7. PEOPLE CHOKE ME See above When you lose at sparring you get choked Mom WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO A SPORT WHERE THE OUTCOME IS I GET CHOKED Why is this even a thing 8. THE UNIFORMS ARE UGLY Wearing a gi is like wearing thick rough pajamas with a really confusing belt 9. I HAVE TO WEAR A MOUTH GUARD It collects my spit makes me drool gags me sometimes and makes me look like I have a gorilla mouth 10. GETTING MY BUTT KICKED DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL CONFIDENT How is getting beat up every practice supposed to make me confident It only makes me feel helpless and scared 11. THERE ARE NO JIU JITSU GIRLS 10
JIU JITSU GIRL No one at my school knows what Jiu Jitsu is and all the cool kids do activities like dance or soccer Next time let's pick a normal sport Mom Yes this was a lot to put on a chalkboard but I used my best tiny handwriting and it's a big fancy chalkboard that's supposed to look rustic I think it makes our kitchen look like an old schoolhouse but when has anything I thought mattered anyway It doesn't make a difference Mom walks right by the list like it isn't even there I thought she'd erase it last week and replace it with something silly and motivational like Enjoy the first day at your new school But she didn't and the list remains And when I bring up how much I hate Jiu Jitsu and all the supporting facts as demonstrated by the list she just says something like The other kids are very nice or Give it some time you'll like it Yeah right I'll never like it She'll see Good job Devaansh says patting me on the shoulder and bringing me back to my current reality Go pat someone else Devaansh I hate this place Okay find another partner Someone you haven't worked with Last match the other coach Coach Julian calls out Alexis you go with Jack Mom pulls the book up to cover her mouth but too late I already saw her grin Yeah super funny to be called Alexis all the time She knows how much I hate it Jack does the cool guy nod as he leaps from his spot on 11
JENNIFER DUTTON the floor and comes toward me You know that casual flick of the chin upward Kind of like a jaw spasm The seemingly nonchalant way of acknowledging my existence without waving emphatically like a dork Ugh Jack He's tall and strong and doesn't go easy at all He's the kid who even when you focus the whole sparring session on not getting hurt nails you in the face with an elbow or cuts you to near death with a toenail I try to avoid him every practice Hey he says Go easy okay I exhale loudly It's hopeless I already know Sure he says in his laid back way The buzzer sounds indicating sixty seconds of torture We circle each other eyes locked knees bent close to the ground arms up in front of our chests I'm like a dying squirrel being stalked by a vulture I know what's going to happen it's just a matter of prolonging the inevitable He bends on one knee and swoops in grabbing inside my leg and pulling me toward him I fall swiftly and directly onto my butt Great leg sweep Jack Coach Julian yells Yeah Jack you're awesome Keep it up buddy eye roll If I could blow a huge raspberry in his face right now and get away with it I totally would Without hesitation he leaps on my chest in a straddle compressing my lungs and rib cage I exhale making the sound of a car horn that's seen better days Eowwwwww He doesn't even laugh that's how focused he is Doesn't crack a smile doesn't even notice This is all business to Jack He rams his 12
JIU JITSU GIRL chest down on mine Great Now my arms are pinned against the mat I flip through a mental playbook of random moves to get me out of this conundrum Zip Nada Nothing Alexis do something Always do something even if you draw a blank Coach Julian shouts Angie I mumble into Jack's chest and get a mouthful of his black uniform please see Reason 1 of why I hate Jiu Jitsu No Personal Space Who knew Axe deodorant spray tastes exactly like it smells Hips to the side Slide out Coach Julian commands I struggle with no success while the clock ticks down Jack squeezes his knees together pressing his chest into my face I choke then sputter but resist the urge to panic and flail about When I first started sparring rolling wrestling grappling whatever it's called I thought when I couldn't breathe my partner must not be aware Surely my partner wouldn't be suffocating me on purpose Then Coach taught us how to do this how to grind your chest down into your opponent's face so they can't breathe and have to tap out Really what the heck Who does this Why in the world would Mom want me to do this Shouldn't I be like taking classical music lessons or learning a new language or something Ugh My fingers stroke the mat but I don't tap As much as I hate 13
