JENNIFER DUTTON tapping out so he knows he's about to kill me and stops My esophagus spasms for a second after he releases the tension So gross The hyperawareness of my own anatomy causes a shiver of revulsion Don't lose focus Angie commands Coach Gary aka Stinky Breath one of the two coaches here today He stands stoically with his shoulders back arms clasped behind him in front of five red punching bags hanging from the ceiling by chains To his left there's a break in the square of benches where students can enter and exit the grappling space A pile of worn shoes lines the periphery of the thick mat The rest of the gym has wood flooring that spills out into the small area by the tiny vacant reception desk Smudged glass doors and walls make up the entrance providing maximum visibility so passersby can watch our torture and think Hey I'd like to try that Or not if they're sane Coach Gary steps forward to address other students He's barely taller than some of the boys here but definitely thicker around the middle and his hair is combed neatly to the side like Superman's His bare feet squish into the thick mat I don't have to look to know the tufts of black hair on his toes are curled up like the pom pom keychain that dangles off the zipper of my backpack Ahh what are you doing Conrad he moans to an older student in the far corner This is Jiu Jitsu not karate We don't kick kick kick He moves his arms up and down emphatically 8
JIU JITSU GIRL like kicking legs Jiu Jitsu is a combat sport that focuses on ground fighting you know like wrestling Get moving I glance at Mom pleading with my eyes Get me out of here I try to communicate without speaking Maybe I can be psychic if I try hard enough Nope nothing Since I started three months ago she just sits there every class reading a book Today it's The Concussion Repair Manual I'm hoping that's not an omen She makes me do Jiu Jitsu two days a week but she doesn't even watch I've told her that girls don't wrestle but she says I need to develop confidence and self defense skills Insert eye roll I hate it There are so many reasons I hate Jiu Jitsu I wrote them down and posted them on the chalkboard in our kitchen so Mom can see them and feel tormented each and every time she traipses in there 1. NO PERSONAL SPACE Other kids bigger kids smaller kids same size kids you name it are always wrapping their sweaty arms legs and other body parts around me 2. THERE ARE TOENAILS ON THE MAT Among other things I have seen broken off toenails boogers hair of all different shapes varieties and lengths and sweat DISGUSTING 3. THE GUYS ARE GROSS The old guys that box on the mat don't wear shirts and are 9
JENNIFER DUTTON sweaty They are so wet they make sweat footprints when they walk across the mat 4. COACH JULIAN DOESN'T KNOW MY NAME He keeps calling me Alexis It doesn't even sound like Angie It's very demoralizing 5. COACH GARY'S BREATH STINKS He gets in my face to explain instructions There is no escape 6. BEING A WHITE BELT IS THE WORST White belt means beginner which means fresh meat It takes forever to move on to the next belt To show progress the coaches wrap pieces of black rubber tape to make stripes around the belt I'm at two stripes which makes me the lowest ranking kid in class The other kids beat me EVERY SINGLE TIME 7. PEOPLE CHOKE ME See above When you lose at sparring you get choked Mom WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO A SPORT WHERE THE OUTCOME IS I GET CHOKED Why is this even a thing 8. THE UNIFORMS ARE UGLY Wearing a gi is like wearing thick rough pajamas with a really confusing belt 9. I HAVE TO WEAR A MOUTH GUARD It collects my spit makes me drool gags me sometimes and makes me look like I have a gorilla mouth 10. GETTING MY BUTT KICKED DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL CONFIDENT How is getting beat up every practice supposed to make me confident It only makes me feel helpless and scared 11. THERE ARE NO JIU JITSU GIRLS 10
JIU JITSU GIRL No one at my school knows what Jiu Jitsu is and all the cool kids do activities like dance or soccer Next time let's pick a normal sport Mom Yes this was a lot to put on a chalkboard but I used my best tiny handwriting and it's a big fancy chalkboard that's supposed to look rustic I think it makes our kitchen look like an old schoolhouse but when has anything I thought mattered anyway It doesn't make a difference Mom walks right by the list like it isn't even there I thought she'd erase it last week and replace it with something silly and motivational like Enjoy the first day at your new school But she didn't and the list remains And when I bring up how much I hate Jiu Jitsu and all the supporting facts as demonstrated by the list she just says something like The other kids are very nice or Give it some time you'll like it Yeah right I'll never like it She'll see Good job Devaansh says patting me on the shoulder and bringing me back to my current reality Go pat someone else Devaansh I hate this place Okay find another partner Someone you haven't worked with Last match the other coach Coach Julian calls out Alexis you go with Jack Mom pulls the book up to cover her mouth but too late I already saw her grin Yeah super funny to be called Alexis all the time She knows how much I hate it Jack does the cool guy nod as he leaps from his spot on 11
