JENNIFER DUTTON the floor and comes toward me You know that casual flick of the chin upward Kind of like a jaw spasm The seemingly nonchalant way of acknowledging my existence without waving emphatically like a dork Ugh Jack He's tall and strong and doesn't go easy at all He's the kid who even when you focus the whole sparring session on not getting hurt nails you in the face with an elbow or cuts you to near death with a toenail I try to avoid him every practice Hey he says Go easy okay I exhale loudly It's hopeless I already know Sure he says in his laid back way The buzzer sounds indicating sixty seconds of torture We circle each other eyes locked knees bent close to the ground arms up in front of our chests I'm like a dying squirrel being stalked by a vulture I know what's going to happen it's just a matter of prolonging the inevitable He bends on one knee and swoops in grabbing inside my leg and pulling me toward him I fall swiftly and directly onto my butt Great leg sweep Jack Coach Julian yells Yeah Jack you're awesome Keep it up buddy eye roll If I could blow a huge raspberry in his face right now and get away with it I totally would Without hesitation he leaps on my chest in a straddle compressing my lungs and rib cage I exhale making the sound of a car horn that's seen better days Eowwwwww He doesn't even laugh that's how focused he is Doesn't crack a smile doesn't even notice This is all business to Jack He rams his 12
JIU JITSU GIRL chest down on mine Great Now my arms are pinned against the mat I flip through a mental playbook of random moves to get me out of this conundrum Zip Nada Nothing Alexis do something Always do something even if you draw a blank Coach Julian shouts Angie I mumble into Jack's chest and get a mouthful of his black uniform please see Reason 1 of why I hate Jiu Jitsu No Personal Space Who knew Axe deodorant spray tastes exactly like it smells Hips to the side Slide out Coach Julian commands I struggle with no success while the clock ticks down Jack squeezes his knees together pressing his chest into my face I choke then sputter but resist the urge to panic and flail about When I first started sparring rolling wrestling grappling whatever it's called I thought when I couldn't breathe my partner must not be aware Surely my partner wouldn't be suffocating me on purpose Then Coach taught us how to do this how to grind your chest down into your opponent's face so they can't breathe and have to tap out Really what the heck Who does this Why in the world would Mom want me to do this Shouldn't I be like taking classical music lessons or learning a new language or something Ugh My fingers stroke the mat but I don't tap As much as I hate 13
JENNIFER DUTTON this there is one bit of pride in there somewhere The coach is watching after all He laughs from somewhere across the room Bet you wish you'd done the Darth Vader huh Alexis he says cheerfully That's when you cup your hands over your mouth and nose so you can breathe when your face is being compressed Nice right And a lot of good that information does me now You've got this he yells Um Not so much My lungs threaten to explode as I draw in moist panicked breaths from the Axe laden gi top I huff and puff and push and squeeze until my hips finally pop out to the side The buzzer beeps loudly Bodies rustle as the rest of the kids get up in mass exodus Except me I lie in a crumpled heap on the floor It takes me a few breaths before I can stumble to my feet I steady myself and push my gi top back into place Jack's already run off and of course his dirty blond hair is still perfectly coiffed in his trademark spiky messy hairstyle Okay circle up Coach Gary commands Pretty much everyone else is patiently waiting in the middle of the mat so he's obviously saying that for my benefit I jog into place and sit on my knees like the rest of the class Arms up he says I hold my arms up palms forward like I'm getting robbed at a gas station and stare straight ahead at the blue padded wall in front of me It looks like the mat on the floor creeps up the wall like fungus It stops just over the halfway point where it 14
JIU JITSU GIRL changes to hastily spread white paint full of brush marks and gray lines from what must have been the previous paint color A circular black decal is smack on top of the splotchy paint job It features a red dragon in the center encircled with the words discipline confidence and respect Let's get this over with Great class today Remember what we do with our troubles aggression and most importantly the awesome new moves we learned today Coach Gary looks around expectantly Why We do this every class It's no surprise what's coming next We -leave it on the mat Everyone shouts this together then smacks their hands down as hard as they can Except for me I'm a beat too late and my lackluster hand smack sounds like two lumpy pillows falling off a bed onto really furry carpet Great class See you Wednesday Coach Gary says as we pull ourselves up off the mat then file out toward the parents collecting us Oh and don't forget about the tournament next month I encourage everyone to participate Sign up is at the front desk Later Angie says a small girl who's been doing this forever At least she knows my name I give her a half hearted wave as I make my way to Mom I'm not coming back I say to Mom as she hands me my gym bag Ah you love it This has become our routine 15
