My partner's arm clocks me in the cheekbone as he frantically tries to pull me to the mat but all I can think CHAPTER 1 KITTY LITTER BLUES about is how Coach Gary's breath smells like my cat's litter box Seriously Did he munch on kitty turds before practice I picture him driving one hand on the steering wheel the other reaching into a big box on the passenger seat The box has a picture of a cat all hunched over perched on a tray of litter its little kitty face all scrunched up in obstructed concentration Coach throws the turd up into the air it looks like a brown cheese puff where of course it spins dramatically in slow motion a few times He catches it in his mouth with a satisfied grin I snort laugh then reflexively clap my hand over my mouth hard enough to cut the inside of my lip with my front tooth From one of the benches that lines the perimeter of the blue mat Mom looks over her book at me You know the look The Mom Stare Down direct eye contact held for a beat too long no smile Yeah that's the one My partner Devaansh tightens his arms around my neck causing me to retch I hit the mat hard with my hand twice 7
JENNIFER DUTTON tapping out so he knows he's about to kill me and stops My esophagus spasms for a second after he releases the tension So gross The hyperawareness of my own anatomy causes a shiver of revulsion Don't lose focus Angie commands Coach Gary aka Stinky Breath one of the two coaches here today He stands stoically with his shoulders back arms clasped behind him in front of five red punching bags hanging from the ceiling by chains To his left there's a break in the square of benches where students can enter and exit the grappling space A pile of worn shoes lines the periphery of the thick mat The rest of the gym has wood flooring that spills out into the small area by the tiny vacant reception desk Smudged glass doors and walls make up the entrance providing maximum visibility so passersby can watch our torture and think Hey I'd like to try that Or not if they're sane Coach Gary steps forward to address other students He's barely taller than some of the boys here but definitely thicker around the middle and his hair is combed neatly to the side like Superman's His bare feet squish into the thick mat I don't have to look to know the tufts of black hair on his toes are curled up like the pom pom keychain that dangles off the zipper of my backpack Ahh what are you doing Conrad he moans to an older student in the far corner This is Jiu Jitsu not karate We don't kick kick kick He moves his arms up and down emphatically 8
JIU JITSU GIRL like kicking legs Jiu Jitsu is a combat sport that focuses on ground fighting you know like wrestling Get moving I glance at Mom pleading with my eyes Get me out of here I try to communicate without speaking Maybe I can be psychic if I try hard enough Nope nothing Since I started three months ago she just sits there every class reading a book Today it's The Concussion Repair Manual I'm hoping that's not an omen She makes me do Jiu Jitsu two days a week but she doesn't even watch I've told her that girls don't wrestle but she says I need to develop confidence and self defense skills Insert eye roll I hate it There are so many reasons I hate Jiu Jitsu I wrote them down and posted them on the chalkboard in our kitchen so Mom can see them and feel tormented each and every time she traipses in there 1. NO PERSONAL SPACE Other kids bigger kids smaller kids same size kids you name it are always wrapping their sweaty arms legs and other body parts around me 2. THERE ARE TOENAILS ON THE MAT Among other things I have seen broken off toenails boogers hair of all different shapes varieties and lengths and sweat DISGUSTING 3. THE GUYS ARE GROSS The old guys that box on the mat don't wear shirts and are 9
