Being Clem

Being Clem — page 5 — chicken and sandwiches on the table Explosives and They still don’t know nothing Nothing to bury I heard one of the whisperers say My momma wore black like any day now we’d be going to a cemetery Clarisse kept up her bossing telling me and Annette to fetch this or get that or give Momma room to breathe when I tried to sit close to her and hold her hand and make her remember who I was Reverend Maynard came over and prayed with Momma every day and he might as well have been praying by himself Momma sat with her head down looking at her lap like it was the first time she’d seen it Finally my momma’s sisters Aunt Dorcas and Aunt Bethel came from Washington D C and all of a sudden they were like our momma’s momma They got her up off the couch and had Clarisse run some bathwater Hot as you can get it they told her When our momma started her moaning and crying they held her tight with her face in their necks letting her tears run down their dresses shushing her with C’mon Cecille and rocking her and rubbing her back like she was a little baby Why does Momma have to be quiet if she wants to cry I whispered to Annette when they were busy shushing Th ink they’re afraid she’ll start falling out you know 4

Being Clem — page 6 — how the ladies do in church when they get the spirit Annette whispered back Th at made sense to me but Momma didn’t look like the church ladies with their hands up in the air and their heads thrown back praising Momma looked like she even forgot who God was Next thing I knew my aunts moved me out of my room while they moved in Clarisse is fourteen years old Annette thirteen but the way they looked when I showed up at their bedroom door with my blanket and pillow from my bed you’d have thought they had to share a room with a new born baby instead of their nine year-old brother Aunt Dorcas said it’s just till Momma gets better I told them Annette made room in her bed for me but not before Clarisse rolled her eyes Our aunts got our momma eating and talking just a little bit again One thing I know is Clarisse didn’t get her boss iness from our momma but she sure got it from our aunts It’s like they bossed our momma back to herself again and that was all I needed When I got up early one morning while everyone was still sleeping I walked out to the front room and saw Momma sitting up on the couch Clem she said so soft I could barely hear her I walked over making sure that was my momma talking 5

Being Clem — page 7 — and stared hard at her puff y face She almost looked like the Momma before the soldiers knocked on our door weeks ago She reached out and pulled me onto her lap And even though I was too big to be sitting on anybody’s lap I let her hold me tight and I rubbed her back just like I saw my aunts do Later I found out it wasn’t just my daddy who was killed in that explosion in San Francisco Th ere were 320 other navy men too The Port Chicago Disaster they called it But didn’t nobody bother to count the four of us Clarisse Annette Momma and me here in Chicago Because that explosion that happened 2,341 miles away just about ripped us apart too Before my daddy left this earth I never thought much about him and aft er he left he was all I could think about Reverend Maynard held a service at Emmanuel Baptist Church for my daddy the first Sunday in August same day as communion Th ey had every one of my daddy’s pictures from our apartment up in front of the church on the pulpit where the casket would have been if we had one Reverend Maynard preaches so long on Sunday Momma has to poke me with her elbow to keep me awake but this Sunday I wondered if he finally ran out of things to say because it seemed like bravery and honor and country were the only words he knew We sat in the front row where the 6

Being Clem — page 8 — deacons usually sit and even though it was hot Momma Clarisse and Annette wore hats and gloves with their black dresses Th e lace from Momma’s glove scratched me when I held on to her hand but I didn’t let go After Reverend Maynard fi nished talking about what a good man our daddy was and aft er all the amens and God bless hims from everyone in the pews behind us and after the choir sang Soon and very soon we are going to see the king Hallelujah Hallelujah we’re going to see the king two soldiers walked up front and stood in front of us Th ey folded up a flag into a triangle and handed it to Momma Momma didn’t reach for it like she was supposed to but Clarisse did and nodded to thank them Th ey saluted us and turned and walked back down the aisle and out the church doors Momma didn’t do any more falling out like she did that first day we heard about the explosion but she didn’t do much of anything else either She cooked straightened up as best she could always kissed us every morning and night But she looked like she was half asleep even when she was wide awake I ain’t like Clarisse and Annette and Momma I don’t remember much about my daddy He went off to the navy before I could get too many memories of him in my head If it wasn’t for the pictures Momma keeps in the apartment I might have even forgotten his face But when I think of him 7

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