and stared hard at her puff y face She almost looked like the Momma before the soldiers knocked on our door weeks ago She reached out and pulled me onto her lap And even though I was too big to be sitting on anybody’s lap I let her hold me tight and I rubbed her back just like I saw my aunts do Later I found out it wasn’t just my daddy who was killed in that explosion in San Francisco Th ere were 320 other navy men too The Port Chicago Disaster they called it But didn’t nobody bother to count the four of us Clarisse Annette Momma and me here in Chicago Because that explosion that happened 2,341 miles away just about ripped us apart too Before my daddy left this earth I never thought much about him and aft er he left he was all I could think about Reverend Maynard held a service at Emmanuel Baptist Church for my daddy the first Sunday in August same day as communion Th ey had every one of my daddy’s pictures from our apartment up in front of the church on the pulpit where the casket would have been if we had one Reverend Maynard preaches so long on Sunday Momma has to poke me with her elbow to keep me awake but this Sunday I wondered if he finally ran out of things to say because it seemed like bravery and honor and country were the only words he knew We sat in the front row where the 6
deacons usually sit and even though it was hot Momma Clarisse and Annette wore hats and gloves with their black dresses Th e lace from Momma’s glove scratched me when I held on to her hand but I didn’t let go After Reverend Maynard fi nished talking about what a good man our daddy was and aft er all the amens and God bless hims from everyone in the pews behind us and after the choir sang Soon and very soon we are going to see the king Hallelujah Hallelujah we’re going to see the king two soldiers walked up front and stood in front of us Th ey folded up a flag into a triangle and handed it to Momma Momma didn’t reach for it like she was supposed to but Clarisse did and nodded to thank them Th ey saluted us and turned and walked back down the aisle and out the church doors Momma didn’t do any more falling out like she did that first day we heard about the explosion but she didn’t do much of anything else either She cooked straightened up as best she could always kissed us every morning and night But she looked like she was half asleep even when she was wide awake I ain’t like Clarisse and Annette and Momma I don’t remember much about my daddy He went off to the navy before I could get too many memories of him in my head If it wasn’t for the pictures Momma keeps in the apartment I might have even forgotten his face But when I think of him 7
I think of water Of a big ole lake I couldn’t tell you if it was Lake Michigan or the Pacific Ocean but Momma told me it was in South Carolina And I remember it was hot Momma says my daddy was born on James Island with the Ashley River just down the road and he grew up fishing with his daddy and granddaddy He once told Momma he was on the water so much it was land where he felt shaky I remember he sat me tall on his shoulders and let the cool muddy river water touch the bottoms of my feet Daddy fl oated high in the water with me holding on tight to his neck When he went low in the water I heard Momma say Careful Clemson you’ll scare him but my daddy just laughed and kept right on ducking in and out till I started crying He brought me back to my momma and I watched him swim like a fish all around while Clarisse and Annette sat and splashed each other at the edge After a while Daddy dried off with a towel and he made a fire and we all ate hot dogs and potato salad and drank soda pop on a blanket And I watched my daddy as he stuffed his mouth full of food and sat quiet looking out at the water He reached over and held my momma’s hand and I was squeezed up between the two of them but it didn’t bother me at all Right before school was about to start up I came in the kitchen and Momma was already up at the stove making breakfast 8
Morning Momma I said hugging her around her waist She was quiet kissed me on the top of my head and went right on back stirring eggs I sat at the table waiting to eat Momma I said Yes Clem She didn’t turn around You ever want to be a spy Clem I’m very tired she said But imagine if you went undercover as a double agent but as your disguise you were a cook behind enemy lines and they loved your food But one morning they came to breakfast and you made your special eggs for breakfast but they didn’t know your special eggs had poison in them And one by one the special eggs with the poison killed off all the enemies we were fighting in the war You could end the war just by making eggs My momma was quiet but I could see her body shaking I jumped up from the table I’m sorry Momma I was just She turned to me and her eyes were wet She covered her mouth with her hand Momma She put her hand down and let out a loud laugh Sit down Clem and eat your secret agent eggs she 9
