was shouting like she was broken in two By the time I hopped from my bed and made it to the front room where all the screaming was coming from my sisters were already there plus two men I’d never seen before dressed just alike holding their hats in their hands They looked like the picture of my daddy my momma kept in a frame hanging over our kitchen table Soldiers They were holding up my momma by her arms A piece of crumpled-up paper was lying on the floor in front of her Her head was rolling from side to side Clarisse my oldest sister put her hand out to stop me Go on back to bed Clem she said staring at Momma But even she didn’t sound like her usual mean self So I stood there behind her watching our momma It looked like her legs stopped working the way the soldiers had to hold her up Get her some water son one of them said to me But I was too afraid to move I heard the water running in the faucet behind me and it was my other sister Annette filling up a glass She brought it to the soldier and he tried to get my momma to drink Annette stood on the other side of me close Momma stopped screaming but her head was still roll ing from side to side Clarisse stepped away from me toward the soldiers We never had white folks in our house before 2
and these soldiers looked funny standing here in our living room holding up our momma Do you have anyone you can ask to come over and sit with your momma till she’s uh feeling better the soldier asked But looking at Momma with her head rolling every which way I didn’t think my momma was ever gonna get right again It’s okay Clarisse told him We’ll be fine She walked to our momma and sat her on the couch I could see Mom ma’s hand shaking in hers Clarisse is only fi ve years older than me but talking to the soldier and sitting on the couch calm as could be she looked like the momma and our momma looked like the child Good evening then the soldier said to Momma both of them tipping their hats to her Our deepest condolences Condolences I had never once heard that word but I knew as soon as the soldier said it he was telling us he was sorry Over the next days I watched my momma sit still as a stone in that one spot Clarisse sat her in I don’t know who dressed her Who combed her hair How she did her busi ness She didn’t look like she even remembered who I was Folks from our building and our church came in and out all day and night whispering soft words away from Mom ma’s ears in the kitchen where they left cakes and pies and 3
chicken and sandwiches on the table Explosives and They still don’t know nothing Nothing to bury I heard one of the whisperers say My momma wore black like any day now we’d be going to a cemetery Clarisse kept up her bossing telling me and Annette to fetch this or get that or give Momma room to breathe when I tried to sit close to her and hold her hand and make her remember who I was Reverend Maynard came over and prayed with Momma every day and he might as well have been praying by himself Momma sat with her head down looking at her lap like it was the first time she’d seen it Finally my momma’s sisters Aunt Dorcas and Aunt Bethel came from Washington D C and all of a sudden they were like our momma’s momma They got her up off the couch and had Clarisse run some bathwater Hot as you can get it they told her When our momma started her moaning and crying they held her tight with her face in their necks letting her tears run down their dresses shushing her with C’mon Cecille and rocking her and rubbing her back like she was a little baby Why does Momma have to be quiet if she wants to cry I whispered to Annette when they were busy shushing Th ink they’re afraid she’ll start falling out you know 4
how the ladies do in church when they get the spirit Annette whispered back Th at made sense to me but Momma didn’t look like the church ladies with their hands up in the air and their heads thrown back praising Momma looked like she even forgot who God was Next thing I knew my aunts moved me out of my room while they moved in Clarisse is fourteen years old Annette thirteen but the way they looked when I showed up at their bedroom door with my blanket and pillow from my bed you’d have thought they had to share a room with a new born baby instead of their nine year-old brother Aunt Dorcas said it’s just till Momma gets better I told them Annette made room in her bed for me but not before Clarisse rolled her eyes Our aunts got our momma eating and talking just a little bit again One thing I know is Clarisse didn’t get her boss iness from our momma but she sure got it from our aunts It’s like they bossed our momma back to herself again and that was all I needed When I got up early one morning while everyone was still sleeping I walked out to the front room and saw Momma sitting up on the couch Clem she said so soft I could barely hear her I walked over making sure that was my momma talking 5
