should have said more about falcons instead of bowling Why do I always do that If I’d been more interesting maybe they would’ve wanted to visit which could’ve led to a friendship and then to sleepovers with pizza and sharing secrets All the regular things I imagine friends do Stark holds her beak partially open as she shuffles on my gloved hand and I automatically pinch the jesses between between my fingers to keep her from flying off Falconers like to stick with tradition and use old-fashioned old-fashioned words for things I say For example we call this glove I’m wearing to protect me from the talons a gauntlet I point to the other pieces of equipment The leather bracelets on Stark’s legs are called anklets and the thinner leather straps that hang down from the anklets are jesses The legs are the strongest part of the bird I reach for Stark’s hood but my attention strays to the girls The moment the hood is off Stark’s sharp beak sinks into my bare arm just above the glove I yelp in pain and surprise Fighting the same panic that surely courses through Stark’s own body I force myself to calmly gather the jesses between my fingers and go still The worst thing to do is what I want to do scream and shake my arm I am calm I am not afraid I am safety Guilt sticks in my throat as she bates trying to fly away from me The jesses prevent her from leaving my fist She hangs upside down flapping I wait until she pauses and then I swing her upright my jaw clenched I should’ve noticed she was unsure of the crowd I should’ve paid attention 8
The blood is thick and red as it trickles into my gauntlet and down my wrist Her wings deliver blows across my face To avoid them I straighten my arm and accidentally loosen my fingers releasing releasing her jesses something I haven’t done since I was seven Stark rises into the sky with her jesses still attached If she flies to a tree and they tangle in the branches I will never forgive myself I’m supposed to keep her safe but I’ve let her down Students shriek and point in the air shoving each other Dad secures Gremlin to a block and then swings a lure He whistles to my bird in the sky Shamefaced and shocked I stare at the skin of my forearm forearm already purpling around the punctures Now that I don’t need to pretend composure for Stark my hands begin to shake My knees won’t work properly I gape at the chaos of kids pointing and laughing teachers shouting orders and the three girls now covering their heads and screaming Dad’s voice comes through the speakers telling everyone to stay calm I stand there watching it all happen in slow motion Stark goes for the lure making everyone yell again and duck for cover When Dad picks her up he allows her the tidbit she earned from the lure We can never forget that the birds come first Only when Stark is secured to a block does he dart over to me I don’t understand what just happened Are you okay He quickly inspects the bite but then looks back to the crowd of people still sitting in our ring 9
This is very bad It’s the opposite of what we’re trying to do with a school group We want to show them how well mannered and amazing the birds are I’ve never been bitten without food involved It’s not something raptors usually do And now it’s happened here in front of everyone Get into the house Karma Go call your mom Dad I race to the house and yell for Gavin He’s supposed to be practicing his times tables but I bet he’s reading Get Mom on the phone Gav I shout Stark nailed orders me He bursts out of his room eyes round holding a Spider-Man Spider-Man and the X-Men comic book What Mom Phone Nailed I whip off my gauntlet and flex my fingers How could I have let this happen Especially after Stark footed me already this month I still have the marks where she grabbed me with her talons I knew she might not work as an education bird but I thought I could fix bad imprinting Feeling as if I’m going to be sick I slump into a chair rest my head on the kitchen table and prop my arm carefully carefully across the top Gavin hands me the phone Let me see Oh there’s I forget sometimes he’s only nine My vision blurs as I try to dial Mom’s shop Red Rock Flower Power a cheerful voice says Debbie Can you get my mom My voice trembles blood 10
Debbie’s tone softens She’s with a customer sweetheart sweetheart hold a sec It’s getting on the floor Gavin points to a drop of bright blood on the cream linoleum Karma Mom says What’s wrong For some reason the sound of her voice causes my throat to close up and I can’t talk I let out a squeak Mom Gavin yells Karma’s bleeding all over the floor Where’s your father Out with a class I’m ashamed of how my voice shakes Stark’s a good bird It was my fault It’ll take me fifteen minutes to get home Call Aunt Amy Lie down Get Gavin to apply ice You can I don’t hear the rest The phone slips from my fingers and I slump to the floor 11
