BEEP BEEP BEEP The crowd gives three honks for their champion Just then Theseus spots something in his rearview mirror Look the rookie truck cries out A giant flame-red monster truck rumbles into the arena and revs its engine SNORT SNORT SNORT Thick black smoke spews from two horn-shaped pipes on the vehicle’s hood Ladies and gentletrucks we have one final competitor the announcer sputters with fear BULLISTIC The megaton monster truck hits the gas and spins circles at the starting line A cloud of dust spills onto the crowd Cough Cough Theseus air filter clogs
with grit and grime His windshield cakes with mud I can’t see he shouts turning his wipers on high When the dust finally clears Bullistic is parked at the end of an impossibly long row of flaming tires One hundred tires the announcer calls out That’s a new ThunderJam record folks Happy honks fills the arena Huh Theseus exclaims Did anytruck actually see Bullistic jump those tires the rookie truck wonders Before Theseus can argue with the results the next competition begins Prepare yourselves the announcer booms for the TUG-O-WAR RUMMMMBBBLE A deep rumbling fills the arena The asphalt beneath the spectators tires begins to quake and crack A hulking golden ThunderTruck enters the arena
HERCULES HERCULES everytruck chants VROOM VROOM VROOM Hercules revs his engine and his lion-shaped hood roars with maximum horsepower He lines up on the far side of a bubbling mud pit and awaits a challenger The other ThunderTrucks know Hercules can’t be beat One by one they turn off their engines except Bullistic The evil monster truck parks on the opposite side of the mud pit SNORT SNORT Angry flames explode from Bullistic’s horn-shaped pipes A ThunderJam official hooks a heavy chain to the front bumper of each competitor On the count of three the trucks will tug each other toward the pit and the loser will get a bubbling mud bath
