Everyone has the opportunity to admire my awesomeness Well okay not everyone But the lucky ones do So anyway last week I gave my minion pigs instructions for everything they needed to do to create my perfect tea party how to prepare crumpets and cucumber sandwiches where to put my throne how to make tea all of it And those pigs really threw their snouts into it They have been busy for days banging and clattering and cooking I cannot wait to see what they’ve prepared And in the meantime I’ve been pretty busy too First I preened my feathers Then I polished my tiara and of course I spent some time with the mirror I do that you know hang out in front of my mirror I mean you would too if you were me It’s probably the best view on the island But I confess lately I’ve been spending more than just a little time with the mirror I’ve been spending a LOT of time with the mirror and I’ve started 8
talking to it My reflection is kind of my new BFF Since my old BFF is now my XBFF No I am not crazy Talking to mirrors is something lots of princesses do Even queens It is totally royal behavior Seriously Look it up And bonus when I am standing in front of that looking glass I give myself some of the best advice I’ve ever heard For example it was my refection’s idea to have a tea party to give my minions a chance to show how much they worship me Brilliant right I know Anyway Diary gotta run It’s time to see what the pigs have prepared I can hardly wait And I know they can’t wait to see me either Monday a little later Dear Diary Today is the worst day ever I know I said it was going to be the best And it was Almost I mean well at least I looked my best My feathers were perfect My crown was gleaming When I checked myself in the mirror before I 9
headed out I was flat-out stunning No lie My reflection agreed too But when I arrived at the tea party ready for reverence everything was wrong First of all the table was a disaster I could see that the pigs had gotten out all of the fancy cutlery plates cups and napkins I had asked for Maybe they had even set the table nicely like I’d instructed But something awful must have happened before I got there it looked like a hurricane had blown through and destroyed everything There were broken dishes and smashed crumpets on the floor The flowers were all chewed up and what was supposed to be tea but looked way more like super-icky muddy water was leaking all over the tablecloth Ew Handsome Pig was standing by the door and looking down He’s the smartest of my minions which isn’t terribly smart He calls himself Handsome because he found a crazy wig that he wears all the time and he thinks it makes him look dashing 10
