the same ground Sometimes Mum would try to get Nan to talk One day I heard Nan shout You're always goin on about the past these days Gladys I'm sick of it It makes me sick in here she pointed to her chest My brain's no good Glad I can't member Mum gave up easily She's been like that all her life she said She'll never change When I was little I used to ask about my father but she wouldn't tell me anything In the end I gave up Who was your father I asked her I don't know she replied sadly Nan just said he was a white man who died when I was very smal I felt sad then I promised myself I would find out who her father was She had a right to know As a matter of fact Nan had let a few things drop recently ever since her brother Arthur had started to make regular visits He was keen to see more of Nan now they were both getting older And he was very fond of Mum Who is he I asked Mum when I found him parked in front of the TV one day with a huge meal on his lap You remember Arthur Nan's brother When you were little he visited us a couple of times I cast my mind back and suddenly recalled how he'd visited us ages ago when my father was still alive Suddenly 1 saw him as he had been so many years before very tall and dark with the biggest smile I'd ever seen Is he her only brother J asked Mum laughed The only one I know of He'sadarlingold bloke a real character Mum I said slowly you don't think he could tell us about the past About Nan I mean I think he could if we can get him to talk He tells some wonderful stories It took a while for me to get close to Arthur He loved Mum but he was wary of the rest of us He wasn't quite sure what to make of us and he wasn't quite sure what we made of him If he had known just how curious we were about him 13
and his past he would probably have been scared right off On one visit he did provide us with a vivid picture from the past some old photographs of Nan taken in the 1920s Nan had always refused toallowanyof us to take her photograph It was exciting to see her as a young woman She however was not impressed When Arthur was around Nan was frightened of what he might tell us Don't listen to him she told us one day when he was halfway through a story about the old times He's only a stupid old man What would he know He'll tell you wrong Is she goin on again Arthur asked Mum You silly old man Nan grumbled Who do you think you are Nobody's interested in your stories You're just a silly old blackfella Aah you'll have to think of a better name than that to call me He smiled I'm proud of bein a blackfella Anyway you're a blackfella yourself Nan was incensed No one had called her a blackfella for years I may be a blackfella she said but I'm not like you I dress decent and I know the right way to do things Look at you a grown man and you got your pants tied up with a bit of string Now Nanna Mum said in her Let's Be Reasonable voice Arthur is your only brother yet whenever he comes here you pick a fight with him You're both getting old it's time you made up We don't want to hear his stories Nan said forcefully He wasn't the only one hard done by No he wasn't Mum replied but at least he'll talk about it You won't tell us anything We're your family we've a right to know Clad you and Arthur are a good pair you don't know what a secret is It's not a matter of secrets Nan Mum reasoned You seem to be ashamed of your past I don't know why You've never told me anything never let me belong to anyone All 14
my life I've wanted a family but you won't even tell me about my own grandmother At least Arthur tells me some thing Nan opened her mouth to reply but Arthur cut in If you don't go Daisy I'll tell them your Aboriginal name Nan was furious You wouldn't she fumed Too right I will said Arthur Nan knew when she was beaten and stormed off What is it both Mum and I asked excitedly after she'd gone No I can't tell you he said I'd like to but Daisy should tell you herself There's a lot she could tell you she knows more about some of our people than I do But she won't talk Arthur Mum replied Sometimes I think she imagines she's white She's ashamed of her fam ily Aah she's bin with whitefellas too long They make her feel shamed that's what white people do to you Why should we be shamed we bin here longer than them You don't see the black man diggin up the land scarin it The white man got no sense Arthur had land of his own at Mukinbudin and he kept a part of it uncleared so that the wildlife could prosper in peace I sat and listened to many conversations between Mum and Arthur Whenever he turned up for a visit Mum would ring me at home and say He's here and I would go rushing over One afternoon I wandered out to the backyard to find Nan and Arthur under a gum tree jabbering away in what sounded to me like a foreign language I sat down very quietly on the steps After a few minutes Nan said My eyes aren't that bad Sally I can see you there spyin on us I'm not spying I defended myself Keep talking don't let me stop you We're not talkin no more Nan said I went inside Mum I said excitedly they were talking 15
in their own language What Nanna too Yep She was jabbering away as though she always talked like that I wouldn't have thought she'd remember after all these years It's a ray of hope Mum She could easily have forgotten it a language needs to be used to be remem bered 1t must mean it was important to her She might turn into a proud blackfella yeL Over the following weeks whenever I saw Nan I'd bring up the topic of her language She was very defensive at first but she gradually came round One day she said Hey Sally you know what goombo is I grinned No what Wee wee Nan chuckled and walked off She told me many words after that but I could never get her to say a whole sentence for me She was willing to give only a little I had married Paul Morgan in 1971 while I was still at University Paul spent most of his childhood in the north west of Western Australia his parents were missionaries When he was thirteen they had moved to Perth to start a hostel for mission children who came to the city to attend high school At that time Paul spoke only pidgin English he'd had a hard time adjusting to his new life at first Our daughter Ambelin was born in 1975 and our son Blaze in 1977 In 1975 after completing a post-graduate course in psychology I gave up study for a while to concentrate on being a wife and mother Now four years later I had more time to myself and so I had made the big decision towrite about our family 16
