1 I'M GOING TO WRITE A BOOK I'm going to write a book It was the beginning of 1979 a good time for resolutions Another new scheme eh my mother asked sarcasti cally She was used to my wild ideas Not just a scheme this time Mum This time I'm really going to do it A children's book Mum had started collecting children's books for my daughter and son ever since they were born Nope A book about OUT family history You can't write about our family she spluttered You Aah but I'm going to find out aren't I In fact I had longed to find out the whole truth about our family ever since I first learned of our Aboriginal back ground When we were children my mother and Nan had always told my two brothers and two sisters and me that we were Indian It wasn't until I was at high school that I discovered we were really Aboriginal We all used to live in a rented house in a working-class suburb of Perth I still thought of it as our family home and don't know anything 11
even though I was married with a home of my own I saw my family nearly every day There were such strong bonds between us itwas impossible for me not towant to see them Just as well Paul my husband was the uncomplaining sort Though in fact he fitted into our family very well My father who never recovered from his wartime experi ences he was in the army and became a prisoner-of-war died when I was nine Mum was left with five kids to rear I was the eldest My grandmother lived with us We had a warm happy childhood with plenty of loving and plenty of laughter But I shall never forget the day I came home from school to find Nan sitting at the kitchen table crying I froze in the doonvay I'd never seen her cry before Nan what's wrong I asked She lifted up one arm and thumped her clenched fist hard on the table You kids don't want me you want a white grandmother I'm black Do you hear black black black With that she pushed back her chair and hurried to her room I never did find out what had upset her so I think it was all to do with us growing up and not being little kids any longer I remember how I continued to stand in the doonvay I could feel the strap of my heavy school-bag cutting into my shoulder but I was too stunned to remove it For the first time in my fifteen years I was conscious of Nan's colouring She was right she wasn't white Well I thought logically if she wasn't white then neither were we What did that make us what did that make me I had never thought of myself as being black before I was very excited by my new heritage and ever since that day I had been trying to find out more about our family My mother wouldn't openly admit the fact that we were part Aboriginal until I was at University and then the truth slipped out by accident in the middle of a conversation one day Since then she'd become almost as eager as I was to find out about our people She and I had many small conversations about the past but we tended to cover 12
the same ground Sometimes Mum would try to get Nan to talk One day I heard Nan shout You're always goin on about the past these days Gladys I'm sick of it It makes me sick in here she pointed to her chest My brain's no good Glad I can't member Mum gave up easily She's been like that all her life she said She'll never change When I was little I used to ask about my father but she wouldn't tell me anything In the end I gave up Who was your father I asked her I don't know she replied sadly Nan just said he was a white man who died when I was very smal I felt sad then I promised myself I would find out who her father was She had a right to know As a matter of fact Nan had let a few things drop recently ever since her brother Arthur had started to make regular visits He was keen to see more of Nan now they were both getting older And he was very fond of Mum Who is he I asked Mum when I found him parked in front of the TV one day with a huge meal on his lap You remember Arthur Nan's brother When you were little he visited us a couple of times I cast my mind back and suddenly recalled how he'd visited us ages ago when my father was still alive Suddenly 1 saw him as he had been so many years before very tall and dark with the biggest smile I'd ever seen Is he her only brother J asked Mum laughed The only one I know of He'sadarlingold bloke a real character Mum I said slowly you don't think he could tell us about the past About Nan I mean I think he could if we can get him to talk He tells some wonderful stories It took a while for me to get close to Arthur He loved Mum but he was wary of the rest of us He wasn't quite sure what to make of us and he wasn't quite sure what we made of him If he had known just how curious we were about him 13
and his past he would probably have been scared right off On one visit he did provide us with a vivid picture from the past some old photographs of Nan taken in the 1920s Nan had always refused toallowanyof us to take her photograph It was exciting to see her as a young woman She however was not impressed When Arthur was around Nan was frightened of what he might tell us Don't listen to him she told us one day when he was halfway through a story about the old times He's only a stupid old man What would he know He'll tell you wrong Is she goin on again Arthur asked Mum You silly old man Nan grumbled Who do you think you are Nobody's interested in your stories You're just a silly old blackfella Aah you'll have to think of a better name than that to call me He smiled I'm proud of bein a blackfella Anyway you're a blackfella yourself Nan was incensed No one had called her a blackfella for years I may be a blackfella she said but I'm not like you I dress decent and I know the right way to do things Look at you a grown man and you got your pants tied up with a bit of string Now Nanna Mum said in her Let's Be Reasonable voice Arthur is your only brother yet whenever he comes here you pick a fight with him You're both getting old it's time you made up We don't want to hear his stories Nan said forcefully He wasn't the only one hard done by No he wasn't Mum replied but at least he'll talk about it You won't tell us anything We're your family we've a right to know Clad you and Arthur are a good pair you don't know what a secret is It's not a matter of secrets Nan Mum reasoned You seem to be ashamed of your past I don't know why You've never told me anything never let me belong to anyone All 14
