CONTENTS 37 BEARS HAVE A TENDENCY TO BE VICIOUS 240 247 38 SO WE RUN 251 39 FOOTSTEPS 40 AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE 255 262 41 DREAM OF THEM 42 ANYTHING FOR YOU 266 272 43 WHILE WE WAIT 44 BROKEN GLASS 275 45 NO MORE SPARKLY WAISTCOATS AND HATS 46 GIRL TO HORSE 47 COATED RED 48 THE BEAR IN THE WOODS 49 INTO THE DARKNESS 50 STAY CLOSE 51 NEVER HEAL 52 WANDERERS Acknowledgments 279 283 289 293 295 298 304 309 313 v
1 DUSTY CURTAINS Flo you’re up next I start when I hear my name called even though I’ve been expecting it That doesn’t mean I’m ready though Flo the person shouts again I recognize the voice as Ava’s now It’s softer than Nora’s Are you back here I keep quiet and hope she’ll go away and let me think Twenty minutes Ava adds I hear soft footfalls as she walks away She didn’t see me and I didn’t see her but I’m sure she knew I was hiding between the red and green striped cur tains I part them now and watch the lions in the ring beyond Ava better hurry if she’s going to get out there in time A net drops down around the ring for this act Real lions would get through it in a heartbeat if they chose to but the audience is in no danger here not with us The music plays loud and grand the steady beat of drums and the flare of trumpets The sound of the portable stereo crackles a bit if you listen close enough It’s hidden behind the curtains directly across the ring from me The underage circus members take turns controlling the vol ume and stopping and starting the tracks 1
THE WANDERERS As the notes dramatically climb the powerful frame of a lion is silhouetted between parted curtains That’s Hari He stalks into the ring taking center stage The lights are working tonight so they fade in slowly until spotlights rest on Ava and Nora the two lionesses sitting on podiums on either side of the ring and one on Hari The sparkly blue bows around their necks catch the light dazzling Well they’re supposed to dazzle And maybe they would if everything wasn’t so cheap The audience claps when they see the animals The lions bring in the most cheers every night Owen stands patiently beside the central lion letting the audience’s applause die down before beginning the act The smile on his face is genuine he loves performing At fifteen he doesn’t have an act of his own yet but he worked hard to get a spot as a lion tamer and he does a good job Owen takes the lion over to a thin beam while the two lionesses circle the ring Hari’s black claws scratch the worn wood of the beam as he walks along it Owen keeps in step beside the lion clapping his hands in the air He tries to match his claps to the rhythm of the music but he doesn’t quite manage Nothing’s ever quite perfect with us Once the lion reaches the other side of the beam Owen turns to face the audience removes his tamer’s black and silver top hat and bows low A thundering round of applause follows The other two lions come forward approaching the beam ready for their next trick The lights dim again to a soft red hue Low music plays while they get into position 2
DUST Y CU RTA INS somber and moody It was my job sometimes to fade the music in and out I’d just watch through the curtain like I’m doing now and turn the dial on cue I’d rather be doing that than performing The sound of cellos pours softly from the speakers so low that I can hear the rustling of popcorn bags and hot dog wrappers coming from the audience The lights are angled toward the ring so the crowd is only very dimly lit but I can see them shuffling and fussing trying to get comfortable on the hard wooden seats The lions are nearing the end of their act now which means I’ve got about ten minutes left until I go out there And even though I know I should get ready I don’t seem to be able to make myself move and do it I want to stay where I am Right here out of sight I run shaking fingers over the curtain that hides me releasing dust into the air I cough and flap my hand in front of my face The circus isn’t the most glamorous place though I imagine it could be I’ve seen a movie about a circus on Hari’s portable DVD player It was a magnificent place confetti and fireworks gymnasts in glittering cos tumes and a tent five times the size of this one Here the surrounding curtains the same design that stretches around the outside of the ring are striped dark green and maroon Inside it’s a suede kind of material that gathers and traps dust Outside it’s more plastic and crin kles when I touch it It’s noisy when it rains Mismatched curtains section off separate areas and give us privacy backstage The sectioned-off areas are mostly 3
