CHAPTER 2 My parents are arguing again Mom quit her job at the bank It didn’t go over very well with Dad who has thrown himself into his job like a madman I know they’re both grieving in their own ways but they should talk to each other about it not fight Fighting gets you nowhere I listen to their raised voices for a moment and put on my headphones when Mom starts crying I can’t han dle hearing her sob all night again so I turn my iPod on and music blasts in my ears Nothing like a bunch of gui tars and screaming to drown out my parents and my own thoughts If I can’t hear them they’re not there I lie on my bed and stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars that light up the ceiling Lucas bought them for me for my sixteenth birthday He even made his own constellation out of them and called it Luca Major Stupid but funny It makes me miss him even more The light flips on and I turn my head to see Mom standing in the doorway I pause my music and sit up Sorry she says I knocked but you didn’t answer I shrug It’s fine My voice is hoarse It was so hard for me to say those two words I haven’t spoken since 3
the funeral three days ago and no one’s really spoken to me either She hesitates in the doorway but finally comes to sit on the edge of my bed Oakley she starts She takes a deep breath and reaches out to tuck my dark hair behind my ear I pull away from her touch After all the time and energy she’s spent on my brother the past few years it’s foreign to me Your father and I have been talking I’ve decided to go live with Aunt Jo for a while Maybe just until summer I need some time She swallows and blinks back the moisture in her eyes I need time away from here for a while Okay I say Great She’s abandoning me First Lucas now her I breathe in and out I still don’t feel much Just empty I wanted to see if well She smoothes my hair down and though I consider protesting I let her Honey I want you to come with me My heart races You’re not getting divorced are you I pray she says no I can’t handle anything else going wrong Not now Not when I need at least some normalcy in my life She shakes her head No Your father and I are fine We just grieve differently The way she says it confirms that they’re not fine She takes a shaky breath Anyway just think about coming with me okay You don’t have to be in school since you graduated early and you don’t have a job or anything I think it could be good for you to get away from everything 4
I think about her offer Even though I’ll miss Dad I’d love to get away I could leave my depressing life behind for the spring and maybe heal a little before I have to decide what to do with my life College and all that crap I’ll leave my house and put all the memories of Lucas and my old friends and their whispers behind my back It would be nice to get away from it all Away from the uncomfortable silence whenever I see anyone who knows me I know they aren’t sure what to say I mean what do you say to some one who just lost her brother Even if they have something to say I’m not sure I’d want to hear it anyway Remember Jo lives in California now if that makes a difference Huntington Beach She has a really nice house with room to spare I crack a smile It feels strange on my lips but it’s a start If I go with Mom I could use my camera again The thought of taking pictures comforts me Just a little I turn toward her and meet her eyes Okay I whisper She puts her arms around me in an awkward hug I’m not sure what to do with my own arms so I lift one and softly pat her back Physical contact has been nonexistent with her for a while now She’s not the touchy-feely type We get along well enough but for her to hug me I’m sure it takes a lot We’re going to be okay she says It sounds like she’s trying to reassure herself more than me She pulls away pats my leg and stands We’re leaving tomorrow morning so you’d better start packing I’ve already booked the flights I frown That doesn’t surprise me at all So you 5
were going to drag me there whether I wanted to go or not She shrugs I think it will be good for you For us I want to say something else but don’t have the energy as thoughts of Lucas pop into my head again Instead I swallow the lump in my throat give her a quick nod and she leaves me alone Spending the next few months with Aunt Jo might be a good thing She’s a marine biologist or veterinarian or something so maybe she’ll distract me with some of her work And I’ve never been to a real beach before since our family doesn’t really leave the state of Utah The only beachy place I’ve been is Antelope Island This tiny island in the middle of the Great Salt Lake that’s covered with mosquitoes flies and brine shrimp As for animals I’m sure there are a few antelope here and there but I’ve never seen any Just a whole lot of buffalo Antelope Island covered in buffalo Go figure A real beach The thought sounds amazing I’ve only seen pictures of Aunt Jo in the ocean I’d love to have some photos of my own to hang on my wall I climb off my bed and go look for a suitcase Tomorrow can’t come soon enough My ears pop as we land in California Mom grabs her carry-on from the overhead compartment and passes me 6
