The Magnificent Flying Baron Estate Eric Bower Amberjack Publishing New York New York
Real Life is Stranger Than a Talking Squirrel Dream January 25th 1891 I had the talking squirrel dream again that night And for those of you wondering yes it is exactly what it sounds like In my dream I’m given a pet squirrel that can talk I have that dream a lot I can’t really say why Maybe it’s because I’m lonely Maybe it’s because I secretly wish that I had some magic in my life Or maybe it’s because I have a terrible habit of eating beans and hot chilies on fry bread with hard cheese before I go to bed at night I don’t know Actually now that I think about it it’s probably because of the cheese Anyway In my dream my Aunt Dorcas comes bursting into my room while I’m reading in my bed Hello there my little Waldo she sings in her high and wobbly voice knowing full well that I hate my first name more than I hate pickled pig’s feet for supper Your parents have a little gift for you
I roll my eyes as I bury myself underneath my cowboy novel Don’t you want to guess what it is she sings No Guess anyway she sings again Go away I’m going to keep singing until you show some interest in the surprise Lalalalaaaaaa Dooo dee doo dooooo Woah woah weee womp woooo Listening to my aunt sing is like being kicked in the head by a bull over and over again Actually no it’s worse The kick would at least knock you unconscious With Aunt Dorcas you’re forced to listen to her dreadful voice until you either run away or stuff your ears with mashed potatoes This is torture Aunt Dorcas Womp womp beee boooooo she continues to sing I can’t take it anymore Okay fine you win Please stop I say What is it What’s the surprise It’s a present from your parents for your birthday she sings She presents me with a little cage that has a sheet draped over it I
