chapter 1 A Hairy Scary Decision The smell of Mom’s berrylicious pancakes drifted into my room I jumped out of bed and raced down to the kitchen Do I smell blueberry pancakes And strawberry said Mom Crockett yawned Then he made a face at me A not-so-nice face What’s that he asked I snatched one of Jack’s Tasty O’s off of his tray What That he said as he poked my head 5
I brushed my hand against my hair It was squishy Squashy An ooey gooey chewy mess I gasped Oh no It’s I zipped my lips The g-word makes Mom’s voice thundery Dad leaned over I think it’s Then he snapped his mouth shut and shook his head Dad didn’t want to say the g-word either So Crockett said it Gum I was doomed Doomed Mom waved her spatula in the air Gum Katharine Marie Carmichael you know better than to chew gum in bed You’d think after last time Last time was when I was six My babysitter let me practice my bubble blowing The more gum I chewed the bigger the bubbles But that was the problem My bubbles were too big 6
They pop pop popped in my hair My babysitter had to give me a haircut The worst-haircut-in-the-history-of-the world kind of haircut Mom lifted the tangled mess and sighed You never listen Katharine But I do I insisted Remember when you said not to throw pennies into the fi sh fountain She nodded Well I didn’t Mom raised her eyebrows But you threw quarters instead I sunk down in my chair and tap tap tapped my fi ngers At Tamara’s sleepover you told me not go to bed at midnight didn’t you Mom nodded again I listened We went to bed at twelve thirty 7
Crockett rolled his eyes That’s worse She meant not to stay up late I rubbed my hands together Aha I said a minute later Didn’t you tell me I’d become a couch potato if I watched too much TV But I’m not a couch potato am I I sit on the fl oor Dad laughed So you’re a fl oor potato I cleared my throat Did you know that the average kid spends 900 hours a year in school but watches over 1,500 hours of TV My calendar of useless facts sure comes in handy Mom wasn’t impressed Try to be a better listener Please I smooshed the blueberries with my fork Then I shoved my plate to the side My parents call me Katharine the Almost Great They say I’m a work-in-progress Maybe if I’d be a better listener they’d call me Katharine the Great 8
