The Fizzy Whiz Kid OTHER FAMILY MYSTERIES 1 Why does my mom always get the hiccups when she laughs 2 Why is my dad the only person on the planet who loves cockroaches 3 What is that weird smell coming from the back of the refrigerator 4 Why do people in uniforms make my mom nervous 5 Why does my mom care so much about manners 6 Why do we keep moving The family-mystery list could go on for pages But instead of that here’s a list about me FACTS ABOUT MITCHELL MATHIS Age twelve sixth grade Average height weight Pretty good student but no Einstein Pets black Labrador retriever Bandit Favorite book The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling Favorite food fried chicken Mom’s chocolate cake Favorite sports baseball football ice hockey Favorite car yellow Lamborghini 2
The New Kid Favorite animal big cats jaguars tigers lions cheetahs etc Favorite activities making lists handball skateboarding juggling magic playing with Bandit playing guitar going to the opera no lie exploring and discovering stuff Biggest fear looking like an idiot Best personal trait I’ve got guts FIVE THINGS THAT TAKE GUTS 1 Skateboarding on the highway 2 Staring down a pit bull with a pork chop tied to your neck 3 Standing in front of a 100 mph fastball with no helmet 4 Eating fifty hot chili peppers with no bread or water 5 Starting a new school after fall session has already begun Okay I haven’t done the first four things But I’ve done the fifth thing on the list many times and when this whole mess started I was going to do it again Frankly I’d prefer to eat the fifty chili peppers 3
The Fizzy Whiz Kid You may not think it’s very hard to start a new school after it’s already begun but you would be very very wrong This has been my experience Weeks before I even get there somebody’s know-it-all mom hears that a new kid me is moving into the neighborhood and will be attending the school She tells her kid Her kid takes this news to the classroom and the rumors about the new kid me start flying I’m a genius I’m a dummy I’m rich I’m poor I was kicked out of my last school I’m in the witness protection program I have an identical twin brother growing out of my left shoulder None of these things is true See Facts About Mitchell Mathis list Then the big day arrives I check in at the office The principal walks me down the hall like a prisoner on his way to his execution The principal opens a door interrupting the class and introduces me He gets my name wrong so I politely correct him After he leaves the teacher finds a seat for me usually one within spitball distance of the meanest kid in the class Then she assigns somebody to be my buddy usually the class egghead For the rest of the day I’m stuck walking around the school with the guy nobody else would be caught dead with who tells me a lot of boring details about the school but leaves out the real important stuff 4
The New Kid STUFF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT A SCHOOL 1 Which bathroom is the good one safest least gross etc 2 Which cafeteria food is nasty and which is okay 3 Which water fountains will spray you in the face and which ones just give a dribble 4 Which yard monitors are the crabbiest 5 Which bullies deliver expert wedgies This last point is important I’ve gotten a lot of wedgies in my day and they are not pleasant But I’ve learned from my mistakes The main thing I’ve learned is that first impressions are everything TEN THINGS NOT TO DO ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK 1 Don’t get a haircut the day before 2 Don’t wear brand-new white sneakers 3 DON’T HAVE YOUR MOM WITH YOU Seriously don’t 4 Don’t wear pants that are too short 5 Don’t wear hats jewelry or cowboy boots 5
