The Uncanny Express (The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters Book 2)
Dullsville
Tillie's Tip TO CLEAN YOUR TOILET PROPERLY add ¼ cup chlorine bleach to the bowl and let it stand before scrubbing Don’t forget to flush Chapter One It was a particularly uneventful afternoon in at least one house on the road to Dullsville To say that it was particularly uneventful is saying a lot as this house was occupied by none other than the Bland Sisters Jaundice and Kale You might tell the Bland Sisters apart in several ways First Jaundice prefers to dress in gray while Kale favors brown Second Kale wears her hair parted on the side while Jaundice parts hers in the middle Third Jaundice is left-handed while Kale is right-handed 1
Tillie's Tips Fourth Kale is seldom seen without her backpack in which she currently carries Tillie’s Tips a worn little paperback featuring page after page of housekeeping advice supplemented with helpful if slightly dated black-and-white illustrations Kale came across this particular title at the Port Innastorm Library several weeks ago and has already renewed it twice She finds Tillie’s Tips incredibly helpful and of course she finds comfort in knowing that there is someone out there who is more obsessed with cleaning than she is Fifth Jaundice is known to wear a smock featuring an inordinate number of pockets She tends to pop items in her pockets at random providing herself with such treasures as a lone shoelace two or three paper clips a handful of clothespins and a slightly damp kitchen sponge Jaundice does not always remember to empty her pockets before her smock goes into the wash much to the continued chagrin of Kale who does the laundry Other than these few distinctions the Bland Sisters are just about the same Jaundice and Kale pride themselves on their exacting routine After breakfast plain oatmeal with skim milk a cup 2
of weak tepid tea on the side they tend to their business of darning other people’s socks which takes the better part of the day Each allows herself one ten-minute break during which she eats a cheese sandwich on day-old bread or hardtack biscuits thanks to a recipe the Bland Sisters recently acquired and drinks a glass of flat soda while gazing out the window watching the grass grow The Bland Sisters look forward most to the evenings when they entertain themselves by thinking of numbers divisible by three then staring at the wallpaper until they fall asleep Not long ago they enjoyed the nighttime ritual of reading a dictionary aloud to each other since that dictionary left their possession they have decided to broaden their horizons It should be mentioned that Jaundice and Kale have parents Evidently they are adventurers of some sort and send the Bland Sisters accounts of their travels whenever they can get to a mailbox This is fine with Jaundice and Kale as they much prefer reading about adventures to actually having them And besides they are sure their parents will return any day now Certainly one can only be away from the comforts and routines of home for so long In any event not only was nothing happening to the Bland Sisters on this particular day it seemed as if less than nothing was happening Their business of darning other people’s socks had been slow that week so Jaundice and Kale 3
