Grandma Balthazar cuts one pain au chocolat down the middle and passes half to me You know you didn’t like Paris right away either You complained about the rain and you complained about all the new people and things Remember I do remember But I don’t think we need to bring up things I got in trouble for a billion weeks ago Remember how Mirabel drove you crazy at first And now you’re best friends I remember that too kind of Mirabel Plouffe is my FBFANDN Roxanne is my best friend in Massachusetts It’s nice having best friends in two places It will be like that with your baby brother Maybe you aren’t excited about him now but when you meet him I’m sure you will fall in love just like you did with Paris And I’m sure I won’t I say I scoop some chocolate out of my pain au chocolat and lick it
off my finger Do you want to watch a movie in our pajamas I’m already dressed Grandma Balthazar says And anyway I’m going to a baby boutique to buy a couple of things for your mother’s baby shower I puff out my cheeks like a balloon Do you want to come with me Grandma Balthazar stands up and brings her plate to the sink She’s been trying to get me to buy a gift for Mom’s baby shower for weeks now but it’s not going to work This is part of my protest I’d rather get my feet bit off by sewer crocodiles I stuff the end of the croissant into my mouth before I say something I know will get me in more trouble Suit yourself says Grandma Balthazar She takes her coat off its hook and slides into it But you’re going to need to shop for your own shower gift soon The shower is in two days
Grandma Balthazar blows me a kiss and whirls out of the kitchen and into the rain Her flowy gray coat swirls around her like a very glamorous tornado I do not want to shop for the baby shower Dad said there will be cake which I like but he also said there will be baby-themed games like Guess Which Candy Bars Are Melted In These Diapers which is just gross I don’t want to look at anything in a diaper I also don’t want to watch Mom open baby presents for hours Mom and Dad can force me to go to the shower They can probably even force me to bring a gift But they can’t force me to be excited My gift for the baby is probably going to be a one-way ticket to Canberra Australia It is exactly ten thousand five hundred and seven miles away from Paris I looked it up I bring my plate to the sink and hear a loud snarghgh snarghgh from the living room Mom’s
snoring is terrible now that she is pregnant She takes a lot of afternoons off so she can rest at home but all the snoring means nobody else can rest Or do their homework But I’m not going to think about the baby for the rest of the afternoon I take my jacket off the hook next to the stove and button it over my cowboy boot nightgown I stick my feet into my nubby gray tabby cat slippers Then I scribble a note on the notepad next to the kitchen door Family I am going next door to Mirabel Plouffe’s where we are not going to talk about babies or baby showers or gifts for babies Love Winicker
