The Jolly Regina (The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters Book 1)
Children's Dictionary a rather large leather bound tome with a cracked spine reinforced with many layers of tape a gold stamped cover featuring the beatific silhouette of Dr Snoote himself and tabs along the side for each letter of the alphabet The dictionary is the Bland Sisters favorite reading material and their main source of education Carrying Dr Snoote in her backpack is Kale's main source of physical and mental exercise Fifth Jaundice is known to wear a smock featuring an inordinate number of pockets Being the more skilled seamstress of the two sisters a skill learned from one of Dr Snoote's Educational Sidebars called Know Your Stitches Jaundice sewed this garment herself out of an old curtain and the upholstery of a long since discarded couch Usually the pockets contain such treasures as a sock darning needle and thread several milk bottle caps a long shoelace with various knots tied in it and half of yesterday's sandwich wrapped in a napkin Jaundice tends to forget to empty her pockets before her smock goes into the wash much to the chagrin of Kale who does the laundry Other than these few distinctions the Bland Sisters are just about the Same
Jaundice and Kale pride themselves on their exacting routine After breakfast plain oatmeal with skim milk a cup of weak tepid tea on the side they tend to their business of darning other people's socks which takes the better part of the day Each allows herself one ten minute break during which she eats a cheese sandwich on day old bread and drinks a glass of flat soda while gazing out the window watching the grass grow The Bland Sisters look forward most to the evenings when they entertain themselves by reading the dictionary to each other then staring at the wallpaper until they fall asleep It should be mentioned that Jaundice and Kale have parents Several years ago they left quite suddenly to run an errand of an unspecified nature The Bland Sisters don't tend to dwell on it too much as they are sure their parents will return any day now
trying trī ng adjective annoying or difficult Chapter Two Jaundice said Kale one afternoon Yes Kale said Jaundice I have a Feeling said Kale Jaundice sighed Kale was always having Feelings It was very trying I have a Feeling said Kale that something is going to happen Of course something is going to happen said Jaundice taking a fresh sock darning needle from one of her pockets Something is always going to happen Your telling me that something is going to happen is a happening in and of itself
Kale sighed Jaundice was always dismissing her It was very trying Well we're just about to finish the P section of the dictionary offered Jaundice I know how you love the P section Also we have new cheese for our sandwiches No said Kale This is different Something different is going to happen Did I mention the cheese is white instead of yellow said Jaundice Kale picked up another sock It was no use explaining Suddenly there was a knock at the door The Bland Sisters looked at each other No one came to the door Ever Not even to deliver the cheese the grocer left that in a basket by the mailbox along with other sundries like toothbrushes and laundry powder and sock darning thread What shall we do asked Kale I'm not sure said Jaundice Let me think Let's pretend we're sleeping said Kale Maybe they'll go away This was Kale's solution for any moment of relative peril She closed her eyes tilted her head to one side and began fake snoring Jaundice followed suit The knocking only grew louder It's not working whispered Jaundice Shh said Kale 5
