In loving memory of my mom who made me wear shorts
One When I rule the world my first law will be that skinny I mean slim guys like me never have to wear dumb giant cargo shorts even if their parents tell them to My second law will be that we can take our cell phones anywhere See if my parents Deb and Jer had just let me bring my new phone on this trip I wouldn’t have had to hide it in these stupid monster shorts to sneak it along And if they had let me wear regular jeans with regular pockets I would have known right away that it was gone when I lost it 1
So it’s practically not even my fault that it’s gone except it is I notice my phone is missing right after we finish setting up the tents one for Grandpa and one for me and my younger brother Bunny Grandpa and Bunny are off getting wood for tonight’s campfire I’m lugging our stuff from Grandpa’s Jeep into the tents when I stop to check my phone battery I’m worried about power sources out here in the wild Okay it’s not the wild It’s the campground of Queenston Provincial Park but it might as well be the wild I hate camping Anyway I go to check my phone and it’s not there Oh No My phone is brand new I do a total speed search everywhere shorts tents the Jeep Nothing I do it all again Still nothing I say a whole bunch of words I’m not supposed to know They don’t help Panting I duck into Grandpa’s tent and look again All I see is a book crammed in the top of Grandpa’s pack Billion-Dollar Brain It’s not about me that’s for sure As I fight my 2 ted staunton
panic I hear Bun and Grandpa coming back Oh no no no I run out grab sleeping bags and foam pads and pitch them into the tents Behind me I hear the clatter of falling wood I turn trying to look like a happy camper I’m sweating and it’s not even very hot Good going Bernard Grandpa always calls Bunny by his real name He unzips his rcaf shell pushes up his fishing hat and wipes his forehead Usually he wears a beret but maybe a beret’s not summer camp enough Tents ship shape Spencer Almost Grandpa nods Okay men here’s the plan We’ll walk the boundaries of where you can roam solo then I’ll have a little lie-down and then we’ll hunt up some excitement Grandpa checks his big flier’s watch Excellent it’s just one thirty C’mon with me Now pay attention boys I’m going to trust you both and I want you to have fun but this is not a normal weekend at the park There’ll be surprises 3 speed
