Sara Cassidy We gave him money every time we saw him Mom says airily She looks out the window at another gray Victoria day She’s right we did But we never invited him for supper or for a shower or a night in a warm bed We have an unused bedroom in the basement he could have lived in We won’t ever ever see him again right Leland asks That’s right except in your memories Mom starts making her bed There will be a funeral in a few days Leland goes rigid He clenches his teeth I’m not going to a funeral he says staring Mom down Me neither Silas mutters his eyes on the floor Liza Mom looks surprised Surely you’ll go No way I declare I picture Richard wax-white and unmoving on his bench 4
Windfall I imagine rain on his lifeless face What was I thinking angels Warmth He was just as alone when he died as he was in life Mom sits again on her bed and studies our faces She opens her arms to Leland He resists at first but then melts into her lap Look you guys Mom whispers This is sad Even a little frightening We didn’t know Richard well but we loved him He was sweet Gentle Yeah Leland sniffles raising his head from Mom’s shoulder His gentleness was more important than his smelliness Silas and I both snort We try to stifle our laughter Maybe you’ll change your minds Mom continues ignoring us A funeral is a chance to say goodbye She grins then singsongs You’d miss a bit of school 5
Sara Cassidy A bribe How can she be so cold Richard is dead and we’re supposed to get excited about missing school Yeah that’ll make it worth it I say bitterly as I leave the room Liza I didn’t mean it that way I’m sorry We’re all upset Mom calls after me At breakfast my food tastes so dry it hurts my throat My orange juice stings The yellow kitchen walls normally cheerful are dull It’s like the light’s been sucked out of the house Neighbors keep calling The phone sounds robotic and shrill I hear Mom refer to Richard as being gone or passed on Once she says he’s crossed over Crossed over to where Some sunshiny happy place I’ve seen police shows I know Richard is in a steel drawer in a frosty room with a numbered tag around his big toe 6
Windfall Between phone calls Mom makes the boys lunches She spreads peanut butter on slices of bread and fills Tupperware with grapes and animal crackers as if it’s just another day The boys hunker over their Lego as if nothing remarkable has happened Nobody cares that an entire person has gone poof out like a light Shouldn’t we all be bawling Shouldn’t the world stop spinning for a moment Or maybe it doesn’t matter that Richard is dead Did it matter that he was alive All he did was sit on a bench and sleep in the bushes of Meegan Park We passed him nearly every day on our way to school or to the store He never held out his hand but Mom always gave him a fistful of change She always asked how he was Richard always replied in his warm thick voice Good Was he good He was dirty His hair was a pile of knots and his clothes 7
