How to Stage a Catastrophe

How to Stage a Catastrophe — page 3
Act I SCENE ONE In a play every scene is supposed to have some kind of point to it Like a major thing happens or some really important secret is revealed In this scene I’m trying to figure out how to earn enough money to buy a karaoke machine Also every scene has a setting Right now it’s my kitchen but we’ll change the set later so you can see other stuff like all the brown and tan houses on Hatahatchee Street which is where I live now It used to be part of an Air Force base but when they shut down the base they sold the houses and left a hundred and twenty-two gallons of brown and tan paint in the garage of the house that we bought Now when someone needs a touch-up on their paint job they call my dad Everyone’s got a brown or tan house around here Only Mr Jameson’s house next door is yellow but that believe it or not is a sad story Picture an empty stage Now that stage can’t stay empty because no one’s going to sit around and watch that forever So you see a kid that’s me coming on from stage right That’s your left if you’re in the audience This kid me is in his kitchen on a Saturday morning in June I’m not really an actor though Think of me as the director here so when the doorbell rings in a second and my best friend Folly shows up with his dog Francolina it’s because I told him to That’s what it means to be the director You get to figure out all the blocking which means you tell everyone where to go onstage That’s why one day I’m going to do like Ruben does at the Juicebox and direct real plays He says maybe after seventh grade I can be his assistant director Right now I just handle all the props Picture a freestanding door off to stage left that’s right to you and there’s another kid and a scruffy-looking orange dog sorry Frankie standing there The kid’s looking all businesslike which is represented by the bow tie clipped to his shirt and by the briefcase He’s also looking kind of sick with love which is represented by the heavy