Creature Teacher

Creature Teacher — page 5 — He would rather have been dangling upside down over a tank full of sharks And this is your new teacher Mr Hyde To welcome them I want you to recite my Joy of School Rules poem you’ve been working on for the Founders Celebration There was a chorus of groans QUIET I did not give you permission to groan Mrs Blunt said A girl in the front row put her hand up Nora Mrs Blunt called on the girl Ma’am we haven’t practiced for a-a-a-ages because Miss Read said it gave her a rash but I thought it might be a tarantula bite because tarantula hairs contain a deadly toxin A boy behind Nora broke in I wrote a tune for it ma’am Shall I sing it for you I’m not interested in songs about tarantula hair Karl I’m interested in Class 5B

Creature Teacher — page 6 — reciting my poem at the Founders Celebration tomorrow correct in every detail with gusto She turned to Mr Hyde The Founders Evening is an extremely important event at which all the classes put on a performance to show their appreciation of the people who established our wonderful school and its excellent Rules she explained She pointed to a large poster on the back wall of the classroom At the top was written THE SCHOOL RULES At the bottom of the poster was a photo of the principal herself glaring furiously out at anyone unlucky enough to be looking The four remaining Founders will be attending and parents and the local press are invited Unfortunately Class 5B are a long way behind in their rehearsals Her eyes bored into those of Mr Hyde But under your direction Mr Hyde I’m sure they will come along in leaps and bounds Jake saw Mr Hyde make an uneasy smile as Mrs Blunt turned smartly on her heels and clicked menacingly out of the classroom

Creature Teacher — page 7 — RULE 2 Never Know Exactly How Many School Rules There Are CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK BANG The door slammed behind Mrs Blunt so hard that several books leapt off the shelf in fright Jake and Mr Hyde jumped too Mr Hyde caught Jake’s eye and winked First things first he said Jake you need somewhere to sit He looked around Park yourself next to the young spider scientist in the front row Nora isn’t it Yes sir She looked pleased Jake sat down next to Nora She squinted at him through her glasses Do you want to see my slug collection she asked I’ve got about two hundred Um Jake began but he was saved from answering as Mr Hyde went on Next this poem I’m sure you’re great I’ll even eat my hat if you’re not amazing he said I wouldn’t sir said a boy with droopy bangs that covered half his face We are pretty bad And the poem is s-o-o-ooo boring

Creature Teacher — page 8 — Mr Hyde clearly wasn’t prepared to believe bad of anyone or anything He bounded around moving desks OK everyone on the floor said Mr Hyde Is he crazy Jake looked around Get ready 5B Lying down breathe deeply Slowly the class obeyed There wasn’t much deep breathing but Jake could hear a lot of high pitched giggling After a minute of this Mr Hyde jumped up and stood wobbling on one leg arms in the air The class stood up and did the same Mr Hyde wobbled and then fell over Sir do you want us to do that asked Nora He got up straightening his glasses Um no that’s enough yoga for today he said Let’s hear this poem Jake come and be an extra pair of ears Jake and Mr Hyde perched on a desk while everyone else lined up at the front Mr Hyde did a drum roll with his hands Class 5B presents THE JOY OF SCHOOL RULES he announced There was nervous shuffling Then Karl stepped forward and began The School Rules make us happy Every girl and every boy We’re grateful to our principal For bringing us such joy Karl stepped back into line Jake squirmed Karl did not look in the least bit joyful Nor did anyone else Mr

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