Nice backside huh said Epi I get a little far out and artistic sometimes But I can’t help it I have to express myself He smiled up at me sweetly Zeus told us to do this Hades After the big battle he wanted Prometheus and me to make lots of new kinds of creatures to live on the earth He gave us this big pot of gifts to give them too I can make a couple dozen creatures a day no problem But Prometheus is really slow He’s only done one Two said Prometheus He wasn’t nearly as good-looking as his brother But he was ten times smarter He patted the figure he’d been working on It began to move but its color stayed the light brown of the clay I gasped when I saw what he had made It looks like you Prometheus I exclaimed It does doesn’t it the Titan said happily It’s a mini Prometheus said Epi A Mini P I spotted the second Mini P Prometheus beamed with pride at his new creations What gift shall we give them Epi he asked Hmm let’s see Epi scratched his head He looks like he could use a super sense of smell Oops Wait I gave that to the bloodhound already Okay what about the ability to jump a hundred times his own height He slapped his forehead What am I thinking Gave that gift to the flea Hurry up Epi said Prometheus They’re getting cold Can you give them something to keep them warm Epi frowned That might be tricky I gave the wolf the gift of warm fur The mink
got the gift of soft fur The raccoon got the gift of thick fur The skunk got the gift of black-and-white-striped fur He smiled There was a bonus gift on that piece of parchment A second gift of this amazing scent gland Stinks to high Mount Olympus He began picking pieces of parchment from the pot looking at them and tossing them back After a while he shrugged Sorry Prometheus But all the keeping-warm-with fur gifts are gone Epi said Prometheus You didn’t think ahead You’ve given all the good gifts to the creatures Now there aren’t any left for the mortals I’m making Sorry Prometheus mumbled Epi You’re right as usual Just then I heard thundering hooves Careening down the riverbank toward us at breakneck speed was a chariot decorated with glittering lightning bolts Who’s that asked Epi Who would drive a chariot that gaudy I asked Nobody but the Ruler of the Universe my conniving baby brother Zeus Zeus I thought about putting on my Helmet of Darkness and simply vanishing But I was too late The old myth-o-maniac had already spotted me
Whoa horses Zeus yelled He never could remember the names of his steeds He pulled on the reins leaving long skid marks on the riverbank Zeus jumped out of his chariot and hurried over to us Have you seen Hera Hera is Zeus’s wife Queen of the gods She knew Zeus was a shameless flirt when she married him But she thought he’d change his ways after the wedding Ha Zeus is still a runaround It makes Hera jealous Now the two of them fight and bicker all the time We haven’t seen Hera Epi told Zeus She’s out to get me Zeus looked around nervously I told her that Metis and I are just friends now But do you think Hera believes me Not a chance She is so suspicious He glanced over his shoulder If you see her coming give me a heads-up will you Hades Relax Zeus I said No way was I getting involved in one of his spats with Hera Now Zeus tuned in on the clay figures What are those he asked pointing to the ones Prometheus had made
Mortals said Prometheus You asked us to make new mortals to live on earth Remember Zeus Zeus kept staring at the little mortals Why they look just like you he said Only shorter and squattier Prometheus smiled Thank you It’s not a compliment Zeus yelled The mortals ran and hid behind Prometheus Zeus was scaring them Don’t make any more of them said Zeus Why not said Prometheus Those pipsqueaks aren’t what I have in mind for populating the earth said Zeus I’ll have my son Hephaestus make mortals That way I can be sure they look right These mortals look fine Zeus said Prometheus Zeus wrinkled his nose Not really he said What should mortals look like Prometheus asked They should be handsome said Zeus They should look like me Big surprise The old myth-o-maniac is also an ego-maniac I’d pity any mortals modeled on him They’d be potbellied and balding Zeus is always tearing around the universe Always in a rush He never remembers to drink his daily glass of nectar Or snack on an ambrosia bar So he hasn’t stayed young and good-looking like the rest of us gods Oh come on Zeus said Prometheus I fought on your side in the big battle between the Titans and the gods didn’t I Of course you did said Zeus But only because you looked into the future and
