But why asked Persephone I mean just for a quick little visit She began wheedling and pacing and more pink clover sprang up beneath her footsteps Oh come on Hades I’ve heard about the mysterious Underworld forever but no one I know has seen it It would be so cool if I could be the first one to take a peek I shook my head Why not Persephone asked The only ones who can enter my kingdom easily are the ghosts of dead mortals I explained I have this guard dog Cerberus He’d rip a living mortal to pieces if one tried to get through the Gates of the Underworld He might do the same to a god or goddess I added to discourage her But I don’t know for sure because they’d have to hike for nine days and nine nights to get to my kingdom and the Olympians aren’t exactly into hiking Persephone put her hands on her hips Are you trying to tell me that it takes you nine days and nights to get home Not me I admitted I know a shortcut Are you the only one who knows it Persephone sure asked a lot of questions But I figured there was no real harm in answering this one No I said Hermes guides the ghosts of the dead down to the Underworld so I let him in on it too But what happens when you give a party Persephone asked A party I exclaimed I never give parties Ever Persephone seemed to light up An Underworld party she exclaimed Now that
is a great idea The very thought of a party in my kingdom made me shudder Gods and goddesses showing up and sloshing nectar punch all over my palace Loud music Dancing Ugh Suddenly Persephone’s phone rang again Her smile faded as she groped in her purse Is that your mom I asked happy to change the subject Probably Persephone answered grimly Of course Mom didn’t let me get caller ID so I never know for sure She put the phone up to her ear Hello The expression on her face told me that it was her mom Persephone was pretty cute as goddesses go but I had to get back to my duties in the Underworld Cerberus would be wondering where I was and my staff would expect me to make my usual rounds of the kingdom It was time for me to get going I wasn’t worried about not giving Persephone a ride She was a goddess after all and could astro-travel anywhere she wanted to go I wished I’d thought to bring my Helmet of Darkness with me When I put it on POOF I’m invisible Me and anything I’m carrying It would have been a dramatic way to make my exit But I didn’t have the helmet so I just mouthed Gotta go and waved to Persephone She waved back and kept talking into her purse phone I jumped into my chariot picked up the reins and gave a gentle tap to Harley and Davidson That’s another lie from my myth-o-maniac brother Zeus I would never whip my steeds Off they galloped It doesn’t take me nine days and nine nights to get home But still it’s a long hard trip down steep slopes around scary curves and hairpin turns It’s an exciting ride but it
can sure wear a god out As I steered Harley and Davidson down the course I could still smell the scent of clover I thought how nice it would be if we had a patch of clover in the Underworld I made a mental note to speak to my gardener Cal At last I reached the bank of the River Styx the fearsome Underworld river Its dark swirling waters may seem frightening to some but to me they are the waters of home I looked up the river Charon’s River Taxi was headed my way It’s a crazy ferryboat pieced together out of odd bits of wood and metal Charon’s pretty crazy looking too with his wild white hair and his long white beard Ahoy called Charon He gave a final push with his pole and nosed his boat onto the bank Then he launched into his one and only speech That’ll be one gold coin per passenger he said Living gods hand the coin directly to me Dead mortals have a relative slip it under your tongue As if he couldn’t see who I was I hopped out of my chariot and led my steeds onto his boat Aside from his standard speech Charon wasn’t much of a talker He poled silently across the river At last the bow of the ferry touched the far shore I led Harley and Davidson off the boat dropping the usual gold coin into Charon’s greedy palm as I went I’ll need another one of those Lord Hades said Charon What I cried Have you doubled your prices Same rate as always Lord Hades said Charon Two passengers two gold coins Two passengers I said Use your eyes ferryman It’s only me Charon nodded toward something behind me
I whirled around There hanging on to the back of my chariot was Persephone Surprise she said
