It’s me again Hades You know Lord of the Dead Ruler of the Underworld Right That Hades If you’ve read any of the Greek myths then you know that my little brother Zeus is Ruler of the Universe But did you know that Zeus is also the Biggest Liar in the Universe He lies about his weight He lies about his height He even lies about his sandal size He is a total myth-o-maniac old Greek speak for big fat liar So is it any surprise that Zeus’s version of the myths is a pack of lies Take The Big Fat Book of Greek Myths for example the latest selection from the Big-Fat-Book-of-the-Month Club The stories are all about mighty monster-slaying Zeus Powerful thunderbolt-hurling Zeus Handsome irresistible to-goddesses Zeus Zeus is always a hero And who is eternally cast in the role of bad guy The sulky bad tempered brother banished to the Underworld Three guesses Hades Hades Hades Just take a look at what Zeus did to the story of how I met my bride Persephone I swear he made the whole thing up just to make me look bad Go on read it for yourself
Total poppycock Persephone wasn’t out picking any flowers She was running away from her overprotective mother And I never grabbed her She hitched a ride to the Underworld I couldn’t stand it that everyone who read the myths would think of me as some sort of kidnapper That’s why I wrote my own book to tell the world the truth So here’s the real deal on how I met Persephone and how she became my part-time Queen of the Underworld
A few millennia ago we gods defeated our big bad dad Cronus and his Titan brothers in a colossal battle for control of the cosmos After we won the war we had to decide who would be the new Ruler of the Universe I was all set to take over I was the oldest god for one thing Plus I knew I was strong enough brave enough and smart enough to be top god But my sneaky little brother Zeus had other ideas He convinced us my sisters Hestia Demeter and Hera and my brother Poseidon and me to settle the question by playing a game of poker Who won Zeus of course with a little help from some extra aces up his sleeve He took over Dad’s old job as Ruler of the Universe After a lot of quarreling Hestia became goddess of the hearth Demeter became goddess of agriculture Hera became goddess of marriage and Poseidon became god of the seas Even before things got sorted out I’d had it with my squabbling siblings I was so sick of them all that I volunteered to move down to the Underworld and become its king
