Memoirs of a Sidekick

Memoirs of a Sidekick — page 7 — CHAPTER TWO Boris stopped abruptly as he reached for the door as if frozen in place by Jack Frost himself I bounced off his shoulder and before I could ask Boris put a finger to his lips When you’re prez we’re gonna run this school bro I heard Michael say I peered over Boris’s shoulder and through the crack in the door saw Robert and his crew huddled against the gym wall It’ll be so freakin sweet Robert said gleefully We’ll do whatever we want whenever we want Student council collects the money from the Fall Fair and the pizza lunches It’s going right into new phones and video games for us and we’re gonna be going to a lot of football and baseball and hockey games with that cash We’ll sit wherever we want in the lunchroom and the little brats will have to give us their desserts cause of our hard work Working hard eating their food Michael cackled And you know the room the aftercare program uses to store toys and equipment I’ll say the council needs it for meetings Robert continued It’ll be our private clubhouse And say goodbye to stupid assemblies I’ll invent a reason for us not to go and goodbye to those lame community activities the do-gooder losers try to get us to do like when that dweeb Snod Crunkle made us sort food at that food bank or when we had to plant new trees for the school’s playground Total waste of time Totally lame Michael said We should get Buckle Knuckle in trouble with the Principal He gets suspended again and no one will listen to him or his plans I’m sick of him getting in my way Remember last year when we had those kids doing our homework until he found out He was actually gonna turn us in unless we stopped Robert bristled Still don’t know what Buckle Knuckle meant about the Code and Rule Five and that he didn’t want to tattle but he had to if we kept bullying those kids Michael fumed When I’m president it’ll be all about us Robert declared I got it all

Memoirs of a Sidekick — page 8 — figured out He tilted his head and flashed his sparkling white teeth We got it made bro We’re gonna rule the school baby Who’s the king of getting what he wants Robert said We are Michael said throwing a fist in the air Well I am Robert said to him Yeah I meant that You and us a bit Michael said Getting elected will be easy All we gotta do is promise whatever people want Robert said So ask around and figure out what I need to say Even talk to the losers I’ll need their votes too Like even Snuckle Buckle Michael asked I’m not that desperate Robert said He and Michael high-fived as Wong Henson and Daniels laughed heartily Boris turned to meet my gaze I was in complete shock of the comatose variety Boris remained silent and still but his reaction came from steely-nerve determination Eyes slightly closed but firm sharp and alive his jaw set and fists clenched this was the B-Ster in full-focus mode He nodded to me and pushed the door open and walked into the gym I followed Hey Buckle Brain Robert said You’re on the other team You too Nickels Hurry up I need to throw a ball at your faces Yeah me too I gotta throw a ball at your faces Michael said Boris crossed his arms I hear you’re running for student council president he said to Robert Robert shrugged I wanted to wish you good luck Boris said extending a hand Check what I said earlier about being in shock This time my shock was like being hit by a bolt of lightning turned into ashes ground into powder fed into a blender and then washed down the kitchen drain Robert seemed surprised too Wide-eyed he accepted Boris’s hand Then the old Robert roared back into action When I’m president you can carry my backpack between classes He slapped his forehead I’m being stupid You’ll be too busy being lame and trying to help save some kitten from a tree Do you

Memoirs of a Sidekick — page 9 — ever get tired of being the school dweeb he said Well sure it was embarrassing when I climbed that tree to save the kitten and couldn’t get down and the fire trucks had to come Anyway let the best man win Boris said Whoever wins you or me we should agree to work together to make Bendale a great place to go to school Robert choked slightly What do you mean you or me I’m running for president too Boris said I joined in on the choking and realized that I had again managed to be even more shocked Basically I’d forgotten my name and my shoe size You Michael spluttered Buckle Butt They stared at Boris I could tell instantly they were impressed by his dedication to Bendale and that combined with his willingness to help his fellow students would make them finally accept him as their leader Or not Robert began to laugh first Michael joined in quickly falling to the floor in hysterics Wong Henson and Daniels fell into one another’s arms the laughter robbing them of the power to stand up straight The shriek of Mr Grisham’s whistle startled me Buckle and Nickels you’re on the other side he bellowed Winner stays on so everyone should bring it And remember no head shots His mocking expression made me think this rule might not be enforced strictly I looked over at our teammates Stevie Bishop Jonah Ferreira and Brandon Mortimer I’m far from gifted in sports but compared to them I’m practically an Olympian The five of us against Robert and his pack of attack dogs It would be a slaughter Hey let’s smoke the Snuckle with all three balls at once Robert said And then Nickels Michael said Please We gotta make him cry It’s a dream of mine I feared his dream was going to be my reality Good luck in the election Robert called out to us as he and his friends took

Memoirs of a Sidekick — page 10 — their positions You can sit this one out Boris said to me But I can’t let Stevie Jonah and Brandon go into battle alone I considered faking a serious injury fainting came to mind or maybe an outright heart attack Then I considered Boris’s remarkable courage Did he retreat from danger Did he worry about his personal safety I’m with you I said hoping my quivering voice didn’t give away my terror I followed him to the far side of the gym ignoring the dweebs and losers cascading from the bleachers Many centuries ago Titus Livy wrote in his history of the Roman Empire that being a general calls for different talents from being a soldier which I take to mean that some people are born to lead and others to follow I have always known Boris belonged in the first category Then there’s Stevie Bishop Stevie suffers from a density of brain that prevents him from thinking above the level of a chimpanzee no disrespect to chimpanzees intended by the way Little wonder that he tried to take charge There are three balls Stevie said to us Three of us will rush and two will play defense That way we’ll get a couple of balls to start and also have reserves in case a ball chaser gets hit That’s a fantastic plan I like it Boris said It would work except maybe not against guys like Pinsent Beverley Wong Henson and Daniels on account of they are way faster than any of us and will get all the balls first Our chasers will get out for sure and then it’s five against two and we’ll be done for You suck Stevie replied Boris wisely offered up his own strategy We should hang back Let them make the mistakes They’ll be all crazed and hyper and maybe they’ll make a bad throw and we can catch a couple The key is to survive the first charge Wuss strategy Buckle Butt Stevie said Everything you do is a disaster We gotta attack Yeah Jonah chimed We gotta attack Brandon remained silent and very pale his face so drained of blood he looked positively deathly I knew Brandon from our days in the Green Goblins

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