CHAPTER ONE Boris is in a difficult situation which means I am too but that’s what happens when you’re Boris Snodbuckle’s best friend and number-one sidekick Like two weeks ago when we snuck onto the roof of the school during a rainstorm to recreate Benjamin Franklin’s lightning experiment It got awkward when the police showed up and well you get the idea Our current difficulties started when I suggested to Boris that we get a sip of water Mr Grisham our gym teacher had just announced a dodgeball game Dodgeball is not kind to me It tends to show off my lack of coordination and dread of getting smacked by a rubber ball I hoped a bit of water would settle my nerves I’m parched I said to Boris We’d spent most of the class hanging out in the gym waiting for Mr Grisham to get off his phone He then sent us out to jog around the school a few times for what Mr Grisham said was track-and-field training Boris and I went hard at it Most everyone else walked Boris is a bit of a fitness nut Sure thing Adrian We might miss the first dodgeball game though This was a risk I was willing to take Mr Grisham can Adrian and I go get some water Boris asked Okay Buckle Go for it But hurry back I want you boys in the first game Mr Grisham said He offered us a wide grin of the ear-to-ear variety It made him look like an alligator with a whistle around its neck He terrified me Boris put his hands on his hips Mr Grisham I know my name is kinda funny but if you have to use a nickname I go by the B-Ster I held my breath As a gym teacher Mr Grisham has considerable influence among the athletic kids at Bendale Public School and if he agreed to use the B Ster Boris’s nickname prospects might improve A name like Snodbuckle practically begs for a nickname Buckle is obvious Unfortunately Boris has been given some less flattering handles such as Snod Bod Buckle-Bottom Snuckle-Buckle Buckle Head and Belt Buckle Snot
Buckle was popular in fifth grade only to be replaced by the most hated name of all Buckle Butt which became all the rage last year My hopes were dashed when Mr Grisham began laughing hyena-like for a very uncomfortable twenty seconds That’s a good one Buckle Mr Grisham said glancing at his phone Grab your water and get back here We don’t have a lot of time A lump formed in my throat and a distressing gurgling feeling made itself felt in the bottom of my stomach These were the first stages of dodgeball terror but I kept it to myself Boris had more important issues to deal with As you can imagine our classmates took Mr Grisham’s comments as an invitation to shower Boris with insults Inspiration struck Robert Pinsent at just the wrong time Let’s call him the Smell-Ster or maybe the Bore-Ster he said to great laughter Boris is Robert’s opposite Boris has deep dark black hair which he wears short and brushed to the side and is of medium height not short but shorter than the taller seventh graders Most remarkable are the Snodbuckle eyes alive intense wise taking everything in For reasons unclear to me however his kindness compassion charisma and intelligence have not made Boris a popular kid at Bendale That honor has fallen to Robert who sits at the top of the social pecking order He is taller than Boris a tremendous athlete and his long wavy blond hair and perfect white teeth are a stark contrast to Boris’s sharper features Perhaps Robert’s most irritating quality is his ability to get whatever he wants without working for it without knowing much about anything and with annoying consistency Robert recently declared his intention to run for president of the student council next month I don’t believe Robert cares about the school or his fellow students so the reasons for his declaration escape me I shudder to think of eighth grade with a person like him at the helm How about Lob-Ster or Loch Ness Dump-Ster said Michael Beverley my personal nemesis and lifelong foe He had been riding Robert’s coattails for years He’d recently decided to adopt the low-rider jean and baggy sweatshirt look to enhance his image as a tough kid and as usual he needed to add his two cents worth
Mr Grisham’s grin threatened to split his face in two I really do need that water I whispered to Boris Boris’s shoulders slumped slightly Yeah me too We left the gym to the sound of laughter ringing off the walls Boris held the door open for me Do we have to play dodgeball every class he said Most of the games are like target practice I think Grisham likes to see Robert and his crew stomp us Robert’s crew also included Wong tall broad-chested always wearing a backward baseball cap and the fastest kid in school Henson a rather large muscular boy for his age as in twelfth-grade large who I suspected might already be shaving and Daniels the shortest of the group with wild red hair a face full of freckles and a venomous personality Together they were the best athletes in seventh grade and Mr Grisham often grouped them into one team And did you see those guys hogging the swings again at recess Boris continued The little kids couldn’t get near them They’ve totally taken them over almost every day Mr Hurley was on yard duty and I told him but he said he was too busy working on his musical I tried to talk to the Principal about it three times this week He keeps saying he’ll talk to me later I was hardly surprised Mr Hurley couldn’t help He was the head of the drama department and for most of the year he’d been working on what he told us was going to be the most revolutionary exciting fantastic magnificent play in the history of theater I believe the working title is Genghis Khan and Flipity-Dipity Rabbit The Musical The Principal’s inaction was more distressing Lately it’s been very difficult to make an appointment with him to discuss serious school matters Only last week he’d said Snodbuckle seventh grade is over in three months Then you just have to get through eighth grade and we’re done Let’s say goodbye at your graduation and leave it at that It’s impossible to know exactly when Boris and the Principal’s relationship went off the rails If pressed I’d say it began in second grade when Boris was in his circus phase and tried to ride down the main school stairs on his unicycle Boris never blamed him for his broken arm but apparently the Principal got into some trouble with the school board and the insurance company and since then he’s remained convinced Boris is trying to ruin his career
