Letters from an Alien Schoolboy

Letters from an Alien Schoolboy — page 3 — Earthlings Beware If you see this sign follow it at your peril Especially if it says any flavor you like with extra flakes and toffee sauce

Letters from an Alien Schoolboy — page 4 — MISSION EARTH DAY ONE SUNDAY Measly Dwelling Row of Identical Dwellings Tiny Country Called England Misshapen Islands Called Britain Insignificant Dot Called Earth Feeble Solar System Forty-third Galaxy from the Right Virgo Supercluster Wrong End of the Universe Dear Rokbumme Here we are squashed inside a repulsive house on the most ill-tempered ugly planet in the Universe Earth The weather is gray and freezing which is not surprising since Earth has only one sun and that seems to be covered up most of the time with wet floating blobs called clouds I am as cold as a ploogle and as mad as a bagful of scratchflackets We arrived here unsafely nearly beheading two ancient Earthlings which was all the pilot’s fault 5

Letters from an Alien Schoolboy — page 5 — Our unsafe arrival 6

Letters from an Alien Schoolboy — page 6 — Flyzoop crossed eighty-two galaxies on the way here without once watching where he was going It’s amazing we got here at all We were all trying to relax in the spacecraft’s comfort zone and make the most of our last few days as Faathings before we had to put on our Earth disguises We were eating the remains of a toasted flaaark we’d picked up at that fuel station just to the left of the Crab Nebula playing pong ping flexing our suckers and twirling our antennae when dozy old Flyzoop screamed METEOR ATTACK FIRE ALL MISSILES Me and my sister Farteeta looped over to the vision zone and there it was a huge blue meteor heading straight robot Bertiolboomflinglebuntusdyoliusfloopfloop I’ll just call him Bert from now on went crazy for us Our in-flight 7

5

PAGE 5 OF 191

The only kids' eBook subscription service that offers thousands of high-quality books from well known publishers like HarperCollins, National Geographic and others.

JavaScript Required

Whoops! We're sorry but Epic doesn't work properly without JavaScript enabled. Check your web browser's settings to make sure it's enabled.