Mom was pretty mad about all the broken locks But it was for her own good Quinn’s too Dad once told me that the three of us Mom Quinn and I were the most important people in his life and he’d do anything to protect us After what happened to him it’s up to me to make sure no one in my family ever gets hurt again That’s what Dad would want me to do But never mind that because right now there’s no fire not even the thinnest curlicue of smoke And in the absence of a fire we all know that a closed door means don’t come in Not that Quinn cares She’s bent in half laughing She laughs in a really squeaky finger nails-on-the-chalkboard little-hairs-on-your-arms standing-up kind of way Hee-eee-eee-EEEEEE Hee-eee-eee-EEEEEE Her just as embarrassing as my little interview Even worse actually because my interview was supposed to be private But Quinn laughs that way all the time in public She can’t help herself laugh is 6
Quinn stands straight and makes a big production out of trying to catch her breath like it was just sooooo funny she might not ever be able to breathe again You should’ve pant eeeeee pant seen yourself Pant pant Only a Grade A official nut job would talk to himself in the mirror She pauses to take one long deep gulp of a breath I’ve seen you talk to yourself in the mirror I tell her And then I mimic her in a high-pitched voice Quinn your hair looks so good Quinn I love your nail polish At least I’m not pretending to be brave to my imaginary friends when the truth is you’re scared of everything Are you sure you’re turning ten today Because you’re acting like a baby Babies aren’t scared because they don’t know any better I say It’s actually a sign of maturity to be scared Whatever It’s no wonder you don’t have any friends 7
I do so have friends I tell her Yeah right And besides I I can’t wait to hear this Quinn interrupts If she can’t wait she should be quiet and listen I’d rather have no friends than have your friends Your friends are so are so Quinn is standing there with her hands on her hips shaking her head at me like she’s the older sister But really we’re twins and if you want to get specific about it I’m the older one Seven minutes older Seven minutes that I packed a lot of wisdom into Your friends are so slame I say Oh you got me this time Quinn says But she rolls her eyes so I know she doesn’t mean it I’m so hurt by one of your dumb words that’s not even a real word It is a word I insist Slame Adjective The same amount of lame as Quinn One day I’m going to write a dictionary of 8
all the words that should be part of the English language Slame is one of my best words yet Whatevs she says She flips her hand like she’s waving me away At least I have people to invite to the party today I mean aside from the original nut job that is Uncle Max And Eli I tell her Eli doesn’t know any better because he’s the new kid That’s the only reason he’s your friend at all There are LOTS of reasons he’s my friend I say Oh yeah Quinn counters Name one Okay truthfully I’m not exactly sure why Eli is my friend But I’m not about to admit that There’s nothing special about you Quinn adds GET OUT I shout Quinn looks me square in the eye Make me she says You asked for it I say and I make a 9
