Writing Down My Rules Writing Down My Rules I am a Roman emperor and have ruled my vast empire for many years MY SUBJECTS MUST OBEY ME After all I give them bread to eat I entertain them in my circuses too I am very wise to keep them happy But I am also a bit old So I need to teach my son all my rules before he becomes Emperor My scribes are writing them down carefully MY RULES MUST BE WRITTEN CLEARLY My scribes begin using the best papyrus paper and ink I can hear their reed pens scratching away My chief scribe watches over them I do not want any hidden jokes or ink blots I am now lying down to ease my aches and pains I feel death just around the corner The scribes must work quickly I call for a priest He wrings his hands at the thought of my death He takes some fine food to the altar of the Parcae the Fates who decide when we die The priest asks him how long I have got There is no reply I feel sick with worry My trusted consul a top official now fetches the royal doctor He is from Greece like many doctors here in Rome My last doctor prescribed unwashed wool for a sore eye and I stank all day So I banished him to far-off Britain 6
My new doctor tells me that my four humors are unbalanced These humors are black bile which is vomit yellow bile which is diarrhea blood and phlegm or spit The doctor advises me to eat less fat and do more exercise I should drink herbal medicine to upset my stomach and he offers to scorch my skin with a hot iron I simply refuse to eat less fat and do more exercise Is he trying to kill me The scribes have laid down their pens They are blowing the ink dry on my final words The rules are clear My work is done I know my son will thank me for these rules I hope you do too OR ELSE 7
How I Became Emperor How I Became Emperor How I Became Emperor It is my absolute right to be Emperor of Rome and all the lands under my rule from the Mediterranean to northern Europe I inherited the position from my father My son will become Emperor when I’m dead unless scheming nobles intervene If they kill my son before I die I might train a nephew or an adopted son to take over 8 I think I need just a little bit more RESPECT MY KNOWLEDGE An emperor does not need to be well-educated But my knowledge of mathematics literature and history helps me win arguments with my consuls My wife has also studied though girls cannot go to school She was educated in her home by a tutor who was a slave How gracious I am to allow some slaves to improve their lives Anyway you can see that our son is the child of very smart parents He’ll make a great Emperor
Hmm you smile too much You must understand that I WILL NOT TOLERATE TRAITORS It is unbelievable how nobles and generals plot to overthrow me Sometimes they even try to assassinate me At other times noble families quarrel and fight among themselves This makes Rome an unstable and dangerous place for me A great noble general could easily rise from the chaos and take over IT IS MY RIGHT TO BANISH YOU If I feel that people are plotting against my son or me I banish them to the far corners of my Empire I especially like sending them to Britain where it is cold wet and unfriendly There are no opportunities for networking so their schemes die Hopefully the barbarians will make sure that they die too You don’t need to bother I’ll freeze to death before you get to me Fiendish Fact File The Roman Empire took over from the Republic of Rome 509 27 BCE The Republic was a democracy so elected wealthy magistrates made the decisions and laws Julius Caesar ruled 46 44 BCE declared himself dictator for life This marked the end of the Republic and the beginning of the Empire Caesar was assassinated by senators who wanted to restore the Republic His nephew and adopted son Octavian fought his way through civil wars to become the first emperor Augustus 9
