him all I can picture is what he looked like at the end of last summer shaggy hair cargo shorts with holes in them pizza stained T shirts I'm sure he's gotten taller Maybe he'll even be wearing new summer clothes They won't be torn or stained They'll look crisp the tags just cut off Everything fresh for a new Summer I thought about Bennett this whole year We e mailed a lot and talked on the phone But none of that's the same as being with him in person I flip flopped back and forth all year long Did I like him as more than a friend Sometimes I thought I did And sometimes I thought I didn't I kept telling myself that I'd figure it out on Seagate Things always seem clearer there Everything makes more sense when you're near the ocean But there's one conversation we had that lingers in the back of my mind We were on the phone one Saturday night It was February the month when the past summer feels like a million years ago and the next summer feels like a million years away It was after ten at night and I'm never supposed to be on the phone that late But my parents were out and'd told the babysitter I was going to bed Which I was But then Bennett called And we were talking Mostly about stupid stuff like this crazy new burrito he’d tried and the fact that people camp outside certain stores so they can be the first ones to get the new sneakers But then he brought t up first kisses Something about this girl Mara who keeps a list of who in the grade has kissed Someone and who hasn't You haven't kissed anyone yet right he asked
I stayed quiet but then I said that no I hadn’t And he said he hadn't either Oh I said We could be each other's first kiss he said as if it were no big deal As if he were saying we could play Ping Pong or We could share a chocolate croissant or we could sit on his dock and throw pebbles into the ocean My heart thumped in my chest And I said Sure But even as I was saying it I was thinking that I wasn't sure I wanted that to happen I told myself that even if it did happen summer was so far away that I didn't need to worry about it or even think about it It was something I could deal with later I pushed the thought away As far away as possible But that later is now quickly approaching That far away is getting so much closer We'll be together for a whole summer And I know I said sure but now I don't know if I want to Ilook out the ferry window We're almost there I keep thinking the same thing Will I see him as Bennett the same old Bennett I've always known Or will I see him as something more The way I saw him at the end of last summer A whole year has passed Are we different now As much as I don't want to be different I think I am As much as I want everything to always stay the same I know that things change And I know that change can be okay that I can handle it Sometimes anyway But the one thing I can't handle is the not knowing I always want to know how things are going to work
When I start a book I skip ahead and read the last page first Always I don't read mysteries I hate surprise parties Marilyn Monroe smiles her gentle Yorkie smile She looks up at me and licks my chin as if she senses I can use some reassuring I wonder if she knows where we're going I've told her a million times I even showed her the countdown calendar I had on my computer and the real paper calendar Ihad hanging above my desk with all the days that had been X ed off in red marker We're almost there Mari I whisper Her ears perk up and she shuffles on my lap Sit sit A little while longer So all your clients know you're coming back my dad asks me Do you need to have an orientation for the dogs Get them ready for camp or anything I smile That's a good idea actually Maybe we should have some kind of easing in process like I had for preschool and kindergarten Everyone needs time to get situated to warm up Even dogs Life is like a freezing cold pool that way We all need to dip a toe before we jump in Good thinking Rem My mom pats my leg and I wonder if she's as excited as I am She's been coming to Seagate Island for over forty years now since her own childhood I wonder if this amazing anticipation 1 ever fades After year twenty do you start to get used to it I want to ask her but what if the answer's yes That it's not as exciting as it used to be If it is I don't want to
ReMUmmmyYYYYYY I hear someone yell as soon as we're off the boat and even though it s lovely to be welcomed this way the greeting is not from the person I hoped to see first Hi Mason I smile How your Was year Excellent And yours Great I look around Is Bennett here Micayla Mason Redmond Micayla's crush can't be here to greet me He must be looking for someone else He's nice and everything but we're not wait at the ferry kind of friends He reads my mind Micayla went into the pharmacy to get some more sunscreen She told me to wait for you and let you know that she'd be right out He clips the sunglasses attachment onto his glasses Anyway ciao'm going to be late for my Italian class Italian class School just ended Mason's probably only
