from another planet A 10 chance that someone would scream and or faint and or vomit And a 7 chance that someone would call Animal Control and have her shot with a tranquilizer dart Nope She didn’t belong down there yet But soon very soon she would be one of the pretty ones She too would be the center of attention You see Gerdie Baker had plans Which was probably further evidence that she was not really a Bigfoot Bigfoots don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the future She would have to increase the 2 to 3 She sat down on her bed snatched a notebook off her nightstand and opened it to a math problem This one was more complicated than anything she had ever attempted It stretched out over dozens of pages x’s and y’s holding on to pluses and minuses like life preservers in a murky sea Soon she would fish them out and unlock their mysteries and her miserable life would change forever If only she still had her There was a knock at the door Leave me alone I don’t want any cake Gerdie shouted But the knock came again Setting down her notebook she crossed the room and threw open the door There was no one there She craned her neck into the hallway but it was empty She glanced down and saw an envelope on the floor It was addressed to her She scooped it up Inside was a note that read There are presents for you downstairs
Gerdie sighed She might as well go down get the presents and get it over with In the backyard a sea of surprised girls stared at her The 29 had been correct She could almost hear the confusion in their minds as the guests tried to understand how she could be related to Linda and Luanne Maybe coming downstairs hadn’t been a good idea Have some cake Gertrude her mother said as she approached with Gerdie’s sisters in tow Gerdie eyed the birthday cake It was shaped like a megaphone the kind cheerleaders use at football games It read Happy Birthday Luanne Linda and G G Gerdie’s mom looked defensive Honey Gertrude is a long name There’s only so much cake Where are all the friends you invited She doesn’t have any friends to invite Linda laughed I used to before we moved Gerdie cried I had lots of friends No you hung around with the nerd herd Luanne said The biggest collection of waste cases in the history of Nathan Hale Elementary Moving us here was the best thing that could have happened to you Gerdie sighed They had moved from Arlington Virginia a year and a half ago and she had never adjusted Well let’s open some presents Everyone gathered around a table stacked high with boxes wrapped in pretty bows and Gerdie’s mom handed them out
one by one It took nearly a half hour of unwrapping before she uncovered a present for Gerdie Gerdie opened it It was a dog collar Linda and Luanne laughed the loudest in a chorus of giggles Gerdie wanted to throw the collar into the crowd along with a few well-aimed punches But her mom quickly handed her another present Don’t be mad The girls are just teasing Gerdie opened the small box and suddenly her scowl was replaced by a toothy smile It’s an Inimation 410A A what her mother asked It’s a state-of-the-art scientific calculator with over four hundred mathematical functions It has a two-line display with thirty-two levels of parenthesis It does formula notation variable statistics fraction and decimal conversions Boolean operations probability searches degree radian and grad conversions sine cosine and tangent calculations as well as exponent and trigonometric functions It also has a hundred and fifty megabytes of memory storage plus it runs off a solar cell Gerdie stopped talking She knew everyone was staring at her even the party clown It’s very advanced she finished quietly What a nerd Luanne said as she Linda and her mother left Gerdie to go to the patio which they were using as a dance floor Their mom was entirely too old to dance with the girls and their friends but it didn’t stop her from teaching them a goofy dance she called the Electric Slide She was giggling like a twelve-year-old Gerdie looked around Who would have bought her such an amazing present She shook her head Oh who cared She
couldn’t wait to test it She turned to run back to her room but standing behind her was a man built like a tree with thick arms and legs He had jet black hair with a white stripe down the middle just like a skunk and it hung down in his eyes He had a long shaggy beard and an eye as white as snow At the end of one of his arms was a silver hook where his hand should have been Here’s one more the strange man said handing Gerdie a thin envelope with his good hand Just like the envelope upstairs it was addressed to her My employer hopes you have a happy birthday Huh Who is your employer Gerdie asked but the man turned and hurried away Are you with the caterers But he was gone Gerdie shrugged off the odd encounter and opened the envelope Inside was a piece of plain white paper that read X 41 6443 3 What is it Gerdie You look like you don’t feel well her mother said stepping off the dance floor for a breath of fresh air Gerdie didn’t answer Instead she darted into the house up the stairs and back into her bedroom slamming the door behind her She snatched her notebook off the bed then fumbled to open her new calculator with nervous hands Once it was powered on she typed in her equation Then she punched in the mystery number for the value of x and pressed the Equals button Suddenly the calculator buzzed and blinked and bounced around in her hand Its plastic case got so hot that
