should be Not the goon The hook was just the kind of thing that would win him his eighth Brass Knuckle award He reached over with his real hand and snatched up the phone When he saw that the caller ID said SIMON he answered it Hello the boy’s voice said over a tremendous racket It sounded as if he were trapped in a storm It’s me I see you survived the explosion Not quite I lost a hand I had a doctor clean it up They put a hook on my arm Cool Simon said The goon almost smiled again It was cool but he didn’t like to brag It actually hurts a lot and I have to give up the piano he said Oh Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated I’m sorry about the plan boss the goon said Through the wind he heard laughing Then again it might have been a cry for help He couldn’t be sure Boss Are you OK It sounds like you are laughing
There was a long pause followed by a number of grunts and groans then Simon’s voice returned Your concern is amusing my friend but completely unnecessary You see Jigsaw and his little machine were just part of a much bigger plan one that is going exactly the way I want Take care of yourself I’ll contact you when I need you again Then the phone went dead Hello it’s good to see you awake a doctor said from the doorway He was tall with gray hair and a kind face I wanted to talk to you about your hand I know you must be very troubled to find the hook it sort of looks like a prop from a pirate movie Fortunately it’s just temporary We’re ordering a new one that looks and acts a lot like a real hand It should be here in a week
In response the goon tossed his pillow into the air then used his hook to slash it in two Feathers flew around the room Actually I think this will be just fine Simon’s plan was not going exactly the way he wanted He was trapped on a tiny ledge on the side of an enormous ice mountain at the top of the world the North Pole to be exact The temperature was just above negative 35 degrees Fahrenheit and in all directions there was little more than drifting ice sheets and glaciers Firm ground was nearly a mile above and the deadly cold waters of the Arctic Ocean were far below He had been stranded on the ledge for two days freezing starving and desperate for water No things were not going as planned at all Still Simon formerly known as Choppers formerly known as Heathcliff Hodges refused to ask his goon for a rescue In his effort to become an evil mastermind Simon had read many books including one by business tycoon Donald Trump It had argued that you should never let your underlings know that you need help It undermined their respect for you He would save himself He pulled himself to his feet and balanced precariously on the tiny ledge He searched the surface of the mountain for a handhold as he had done so many times before and once again found nothing Was he doomed to die He went over everything he had ever been taught during his time as a secret agent His former headquarters was filled to the brim with gadgets that would save his life grappling guns antigravity sneakers and much more But he’d have settled for a rope right then He thought of his former teammates especially Duncan Dewey
code name Gluestick Duncan would have had no problem with the icy cliffside His skin produced a powerful adhesive that allowed him to stick to nearly any surface hence his code name He could walk along the ceiling like a fly or run up the side of a skyscraper It was all part of the upgrades the team members had received when they first became spies and members of an elite organization the National Espionage Rescue and Defense Society or NERDS set with the task of saving the world from evil Their fifth-grade weaknesses had been turned into superstrengths with the help of top-secret computer technology Simon had huge front teeth nearly as big as a horse’s It was how he had gotten his spy code name Choppers After his upgrades he could use his buckteeth to hypnotize and control others A lot of good that did now when he was alone and slowly turning into a snow cone What had their hopelessly incompetent director Agent Brand said to the team You don’t need gadgets You are the gadgets That was it Simon was the gadget He slammed his face into the ice driving his enormous front teeth deep into the mountain Alternately using his teeth and the heavy cleated boots he wore he began to climb slowly Perhaps Simon should have been grateful for his amazing upgrades and his many hours of training but that wasn’t how he felt He was boiling mad Sure being a member of NERDS had been exciting but because the work was secret when the young spies weren’t out on a mission they went right back to being picked on by their classmates He and the others had suffered hundreds of wet willies power wedgies and flicked ears but
