When it looked like the attack was over two more ninjas popped out of the drawers of a steel file cabinet and attacked using their fists and feet knocking the principal backward onto his desk They held him down and chuckling arrogantly removed gleaming daggers from the folds of their clothes But
the principal was trained in several martial arts and highly proficient in the monkey snake and crane fighting styles Plus he was Irish so he knew his way around a street fight He snatched a stapler off his desk and slammed it into one ninja’s forehead and then the other’s Both men cried out in agony and stumbled backward onto the bodies of their fallen brothers The principal stood over the pile of broken villains Then he started to applaud Thanks guys he said Yeah yeah the men groaned as they staggered to their feet One of the ninjas took off his mask revealing a chubby face and a large bald spot in the center of his curly brown hair He didn’t look like a ninja He looked like an accountant Did we at least surprise you this time he groused The principal nodded Absolutely Randy I was completely taken off guard I didn’t see the file cabinet thing coming at all That was a nice touch He’s just saying that because he doesn’t want to hurt our feelings another ninja groaned Underneath his mask he had bright red hair and a face full of freckles No Barry I really was intimidated Randy shook his head I don’t know why you want us to do this anyway You’re the boss now Your biggest fear should be getting a paper cut or someone parking in your designated space Why keep training You don’t actually miss your old job do you Barry Miss my old job No That’s ridiculous Why would I miss asked it
I have no idea Randy said It was humiliating You’re a decorated war hero and they put you in that stupid school kitchen with the hairnet and the Tater Tots What a waste This promotion was long overdue You deserve to be director of the National Espionage Rescue and Defense Society so take it easy Thanks for the pep talk guys but I’m fine the principal said I’ve got to get back to work See you next week Not if we see you first Barry said as he slunk out the window The others vanished through the air ducts and into the filing cabinet In the blink of an eye they were gone The principal put the upended coatrack back in its place adjusted his portrait of the president of the United States on the wall and gathered what was left of his office supplies He looked at the stack of paperwork on his desk and sighed Truth was he didn’t know how to take it easy He did miss the adventure of the field There was nothing as satisfying as the sound of a bad guy’s nose breaking beneath his fist But what he really missed was well if anyone found out he would be the laughing stock of the espionage community He crossed the room to a small file cabinet locked tight with fourteen different dead bolts He fished seven of the keys out of his pockets opened the hollow heel in his left shoe for another found two in between his big toe and his second toe and four more in a secret pocket at the base of his pant leg When he had unlocked all the bolts he opened the cabinet and pulled out his most prized possessions a spatula a pair of orthopedic sneakers a hairnet and a flowery smock
He caressed them lovingly Why was it so hard to let go of his previous job as the school’s lunch lady Why did he miss the heat lamps corn nuggets and fish surprise Suddenly the phone rang It wasn’t the phone on his desk It was the phone He stuffed his kitchen tools back in the cabinet and raced to his desk Underneath his coffee mug was a glowing red button He slammed it hard with the palm of his hand and watched as his drab poorly decorated office went through a dramatic transformation The yellowing walls flipped over to reveal banks of computers and electronic maps of the world His ancient clunky desk sank into the floor and was replaced with a blinking beeping control panel The grimy ceiling fan collapsed in on itself and a large television monitor took its place The glossy black screen blinked to life and his boss a tough-as-nails five-star general named Savage appeared on it the principal’s record look downright cowardly Rumors claimed the general once got out of a pit of quicksand just by threatening it Savage’s reputation as a fearless soldier made The principal wasn’t the kind of man to gasp but the news of such a brazen crime took his breath away When How Who Now however Savage’s massive bullet-shaped head looked sweaty and his tiny eyes shifted nervously Hello Director I wish I had time for chitchat but we have a crisis on our hands that needs your team’s attention What is it sir We have it from good sources that the president’s daughter Tessa Lipton is about to be kidnapped
