disease or are you actually some kind of huge plastic toy That does it Wagner yelled leaping over the table and plowing into me I tipped over backward in my chair and came down with a crunch I had a sinking feeling that crunch was the sound of my phone being crushed Wagner attempted to tie me into a pretzel while the rest of the crowd made a break for the door He was just about to dislocate my left arm when O’Rourke threw himself across the room and they both went crashing into the corner I scrambled up and jumped onto Wagner’s back before he could pound O’Rourke into a pile of dust While Wagner twirled around the room slamming me into every wall Peck stood by the door blowing his orange panic whistle Eventually Mr Blatz our math teacher and Weaver Hall faculty advisor arrived and dragged us all across campus to Headmaster Sterling’s office On our way I picked the remnants of my phone out of my pocket and tossed them in the trash Friday 8 00 a m Sterling is a short man with a thick red mustache and hair that floats in wisps above his head When he arrived he was wearing a navy blue suit and chomping on the end of a
pipe that wasn’t lit Please fix your tie Mr Harker he said sitting down behind an enormous desk I looked down My shirt was hanging out I had grass stains on both elbows there was a long tear in one of the knees of my pants and I couldn’t remember where I’d left my blazer I figured the least I could do was straighten my tie Mr Peck could you explain why I’m sitting here at eight in the morning instead of eating my breakfast Well sir Peck said standing at attention I was doing an early-morning floor inspection when I heard voices in Charlie Harker’s room This was in direct violation of Rule 1 4 of the student handbook so I investigated When I entered Mr Harker’s room I discovered that a number of students had gathered in order to play a game called Operation and that they were gambling on the results an offense which could and really should result in their immediate expulsion I made them aware of this and that is approximately when a fight broke out Luckily I was able to round them up with a little help from Mr Blatz and bring them to see you sir Sterling sighed Thank you Stanley he muttered shuffling a few papers on his desk It’s admirable of you to
be so vigilant on the last day of the school year and your final day as a senior monitor I take my job very seriously sir Peck said standing up even straighter Sterling frowned and turned to Bryce I’m surprised to see you here Mr Wagner What do you have to say for yourself I apologize sir but Harker and his friends were being rather rowdy and woke me up I went to his room to ask them to be quiet and that’s when Stanley arrived Wagner’s story wasn’t true it wasn’t even close to true Wagner like everyone else in Weaver Hall except for Peck had been participating in an annual tradition known as the Weaver Hall Olympiad This elite competition takes place on our last night at Choke every year and includes such events as the mattress toss the mud puddle jump and a full-contact 1500-meter tricycle race We had just been finishing off the festivities with a high-stakes game of Operation when Peck burst in I see Sterling said chewing on the end of his pipe What about you Mr Harker What do you have to say for yourself Mr Sterling Bryce Wagner is suffering from a terrible skin disease that doesn’t allow him to sweat I think he
should see the school nurse immediately Do you see Wagner yelled flexing the rather large muscles in his thick neck Do you see the insolence He’s not Choke material sir Sterling closed his eyes and took a deep breath It’s not up to you to decide who’s Choke material Mr Wagner However Mr Harker I must admit I am beginning to wonder he said picking up a folder from his desk and opening it October twelfth you bungee jumped from the roof of your dormitory ripping your pants off in the process The cord didn’t break though I said My pants getting ripped off was unfortunate but nobody was injured not physically anyway November third you were found glued to the ceiling of your room Sir if I may O’Rourke said raising his hand Technically that wasn’t glue it was an experimental foam I’d borrowed from my father Mr Harker was simply my test subject Sterling frowned December tenth you and Mr O’Rourke dressed up as a bull and sold rides for one dollar in the gymnasium All of that money went to charity I said
