She Holds Up the Stars

She Holds Up the Stars — page 3 — 2 Sandra Laronde Misko was now 12 and had grown so much The woman reached out her wrinkled hands first placing them on Misko’s shoulders and then gently touching her cheek It was the same cheek that still seemed to sting from the months-old slap After it had happened Misko was surprised there was no red hand imprinted on her face Right now in front of her grandmother she instinctively sucked in the air between her teeth She had developed this strange habit since the slap her breath getting caught in her throat whenever she thought of that troubling time or anything stressful for that matter Here you are Little Chickadee you’re such a big girl now her grandmother murmured And Misko relaxed a little recognizing her childhood nickname and Kokum’s soft voice A pot was on the stove with a stew waiting to be heated She saw two bowls and a loaf of bread on the counter Thank you Kokum I didn’t feel like eating on the bus Misko liked that she was now old enough to take this trip alone but the night of the slap was still very much in her memory She was feeling a little nervous but had said nothing to Auntie Madeleine Of course I’m sure Misko had said I’m not a baby Definitely not a baby anymore Auntie Madeleine had sighed Still baby or not Auntie Madeleine arranged for the bus driver to watch over Misko and to make sure that she sat

She Holds Up the Stars — page 4 — She Holds Up the Stars 3 close to him up front on the bus He was the same bus driver who used to drive a young Madeleine between Winnipeg and Caribou Lake for holidays for many years Starting to feel hungry now Misko turned on the burner and stirred Every time she turned around her grand mother was watching her We usually make this stew with moose meat but we got none right now said Kokum Misko filled the bowls and carried them to the table Maddy still like to cook asked Kokum as they sat down at the table Yes but she doesn’t let me help Misko sighed She said she can do it faster if she does it herself Kokum huffed Always bossy that one Auntie Madeleine had said nothing to Kokum about starting a new job with longer hours The kitchen looked like something staged for a catalog not a place where you prepared food Likewise Misko said nothing about how Auntie had cut her own long hair short gotten a whole new wardrobe of silk blouses and stylish pantsuits or started coming home long past suppertime They began ordering a lot of takeout back in Winnipeg which was exciting at first but Misko missed homemade meals On the weekends when her aunt would sometimes use the kitchen she would shoo Misko away whenever she asked to help Kokum looked directly into her eyes And how about you dear Are you still a fast runner

She Holds Up the Stars — page 5 — 4 Sandra Laronde Pretty fast replied Misko with a shrug Kokum nodded motioning to a wall unit in the corner Misko went to look and there she was young Maddy her hair long and loose Her self-assured smile was familiar but her face was softer somehow more open There were many other framed photos in sepia black and white and color but most were frameless snapshots There were pictures of great grandparents grandparents aunts uncles sisters brothers siblings children babies and pets Wow you have I mean we have such a big family Kokum Misko could see a familiar glint in her relatives dark brown eyes It was like looking at many versions of her own face staring back at her across gen erations of time Then she came across a photo of two people who did not fit in at all They were a fancy couple tossing a striped beach ball on a white sandy beach Kokum who’s this Kokum looked at the photo blankly for a moment blinking as she tried to remember Oh those white people they came with the frame You have a picture of people you don’t even know asked Misko yet she replied Kokum chuckled Not sure who goes in that frame Misko moved to the next photo Is this one here a picture of you Kokum

She Holds Up the Stars — page 6 — She Holds Up the Stars 5 How do I look It’s hard to tell because you look blurry Must’ve been when I was young Kokum said with a grin There was another photo that stood out to Misko She picked it up It was a picture of a young girl That’s your mom said Kokum The girl was holding the reins of a brown and beige pony A quiver ran up Misko’s spine but she didn’t know why She my mother had a horse Ah-hey The girl in the picture seemed about her age but her hair was cut short and tucked behind her ears Her eyes were bright and stared at whoever held the camera and they seemed to look directly into Misko’s at that exact mo ment She felt a strange collapsing of time as if she and Mother were here together now in this same room Two 12-year-old girls looking at each other across time You remind me of her said Kokum I do Ah-hey She looks happy I didn’t know she had a pony Misko stared at the photo a little longer then put it down and picked up another that had fallen sideways Her mother was holding a baby and squinting into the sun The shadow of whoever took the picture lay across the fore ground hovering over their bodies Is the baby me

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