Everyone packed and ready He tries to joke with Mom about her neurotic packing habits I don’t hear a laugh Did you get things tidied up at the lab she asks Dad’s a cancer scientist at the university He’s going to find a cure one day I’m sure of it He’s the smartest person I know even if he does tell the worst jokes Pretty much he answers I’ll keep in touch with them while we’re away Should be fine What can I do to help I hear Mom sending Dad off to gather the final things from her list I grab my crumpled copy of Legends of the Lakes from my bedside table to pack Gran and Grampa gave me this book when I was little and for years its chapters were the only bedtime stories I wanted to hear It’s written by a woman in Mom’s hometown which is famous for mermaids Yep mermaids or mermaid legends at least and this book is a chronicle of them all I know most of the stories by heart but when Gran visits I still let her read it aloud to me It makes her happy And maybe me too A little I smooth the bent edges of the cover and tuck it in the last pocket of space in my backpack on top of my math notebook Mrs Jackson said I wouldn’t miss much with this being only the second week of school but Mom insisted I get some 6
homework to bring with me Wouldn’t want to fall behind Not a worry there In fact the thought of being a bit behind in class would be a relief for a while Don’t get me wrong I love school Like really love school But I’m learning that in seventh grade that’s not normal and with a December birthday I’m always the youngest in my class which doesn’t help either I wonder sometimes if I didn’t try so hard then maybe the other kids would like me more I know that sounds pathetic Especially since in every other area of my life I can never quite keep up My crutches always ensure I’m a few steps behind in gym in the hallways at recess Somehow being extra quick at math doesn’t make up for my physical limitations Not that anyone is mean to me or anything but no matter what I do I seem to float through life a bit out of step In my dreams I can fly or swim faster than everyone no crutches needed either way But when I’m awake I’m Meranda Morgan smart slow moving quiet mostly invisible Invisible to everyone except my parents of course There’s no floating by them Some kids have helicopter parents I think of mine as seatbelt parents They don’t just hover they hold me tight to keep me safe and close Sometimes it gets a bit much like when the seatbelt locks and you can’t move Or breathe Apparently this is normal for an only child especially one with 7
physical challenges but sometimes I’m not so sure I zip up my bag and get ready for bed I’m brushing my teeth when Mom comes up behind me and kisses the top of my head All ready to go she asks I spit Yup You Almost she says I still have to make a final decision on an outfit for the funeral Then we’ll see how well we can all sleep tonight Our faces are side by side in the mirror Mom’s normally sparkling blue eyes are dim like she’s fogged in Her red hair is frizzy and wisps of it have managed to escape from her ponytail and tickle the freckles on her cheeks Next to her I look like I have a suntan my dark hair and dark eyes accentuate the darkness of my skin The thick lenses of my glasses make my eyes look bigger than they actually are We couldn’t look more different but as Mom always says We’re kindred on the inside and that’s all that counts Tonight the lines on her face are more obvious than usual her cheeks are pale and she moves like she’s underwater heavy and slow My heart swells and I feel like a jerk for being excited when clearly she’s so sad I love you Mom I know this is going to be hard for you I look at her in the mirror Thanks sweetie Love you more 8
Love you most I say with a wink It’s a silly routine we’ve had since I was little Arguing about who loves who more She smiles G’night And one more kiss on my head I make my way back to my room and take my arms out of my crutches to lean them up against my dresser My legs are extra tight tonight They don’t usually hurt much but there’s not quite enough room for me and my crutches to shuffle from dresser to closet and back so many times So there was a lot of pivoting leaning and short steps without crutches while I was packing and I’m feeling it now I sit on the edge of my bed to rub my calves trying to massage some of the stiffness away I crawl under the covers and hug my arms tightly around myself to stop from exploding into a million pieces Nervous Excited Sad All of it I pull my duvet up to my chin and roll over onto my side so I can see the painting on the wall by the window Gran and Grampa gave it to me when I was a baby so I would always know where my roots are The waves look like they’re reaching for the rocks on the shoreline for something to hold on to The gray clouds are dotted with the pinkish orange of the approaching sunset or sunrise Sometimes I imagine the sun is about to come up after a terrible ocean storm and with the sun comes calm Other times the sun is about to set and the tempest is growing as darkness takes over Tonight it’s the 9
