The Splendid Baron Submarine

The Splendid Baron Submarine — page 7 — There was a knock at the door Oh dear P said I wonder how we’re supposed to answer that A knock on the door isn’t usually a problem for us But P had just shown us his newest invention a nifty little device that he named the Gravity-Switcher-Ma-Thinger He wasn’t the greatest at naming his inventions The Gravity-Switcher-Ma-Thinger looked a bit like a glow-in-the-dark accordion and when you pressed a button at the end of it it caused the gravity in the room to flip The force that normally pulled you to the floor would suddenly start pulling you up to the ceiling which was why my parents and Rose Blackwood and I were all currently on the ceiling In fact everything in the living room was on the ceiling including our sofa chairs table lamps the area rug and our bookshelves

The Splendid Baron Submarine — page 8 — This is the sort of thing that happens quite regularly here at the Baron Estate W B M said angrily I told you to sweep the floors this morning All of the dust and dirt from the floor is now up here The ceiling is filthy Sorry My stomach was flipped upside down as well and I was finding it very difficult to keep down the bacon cheese pickle tomato fried onion and jalapeno sandwich that I had eaten for my third breakfast It was rather dizzying to be experiencing the living room upside down and I can’t say that I enjoyed it I missed our normal gravity which kept us all safely on the ground where we belonged

The Splendid Baron Submarine — page 9 — I think I prefer having the ceiling as the floor and the floor as the ceiling P declared resting his fists on his hips It just feels right Perhaps I should make this a permanent change in the Baron Estate From now on we are an upside down family P was the only one of us who actually looked like he was upside down but that’s because my father always looked like he was upside down even when he was right side-up My father’s hair is always standing straight up from the root You see his head is rather fond of lightning he’s been struck by lightning over twenty times and every time it hits him his white hair turns a shade whiter and stands up in wild porcupine spikes And believe it or not that’s not even one of the top ten weirdest things about my father Um Mr and Mrs Baron Rose said quickly I can tell from the look on W B s face that he’s about to be sick That will be really gross and really difficult to clean from the ceiling later on Oh dear said M as she frowned at me He is a bit

The Splendid Baron Submarine — page 10 — green isn’t he I held in a burp There was another knock at the door and this one sounded a bit more urgent My father walked over to the wall and tried to grab the doorknob But he couldn’t reach it even when he stood on his tiptoes I’ve noticed that most doorknobs aren’t located in a place on the door that allows people who are on the ceiling to reach them That’s clearly a silly design flaw not to mention incredibly inconsiderate towards our country’s upside down population which I suppose just consisted of my family Perhaps I should invent some sort of an arm extender P said as he thoughtfully stroked his nose That way I wouldn’t have so much trouble answering the door Or you could just turn off the Gravity-Switcher-Ma Thinger M suggested Whoever is at the door might be upset if they were to walk inside and suddenly fall up to the ceiling That’s true Especially if W B gets sick all over it

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