Dandy made a face That’s just a bunch of boring stuff like the mayor and the high school band Oh and that one horned goat they call a unicorn And those goofy girls running for Fair Queen Yeah Malcolm said that’s why I have to go My sister is one of those goofy girls
Cocoa for Fair Queen Malcolm tried to digest his dinner that night but his sister Cocoa made it impossible It’s a disaster she moaned gripping the door frame like she needed medical attention I can’t find my sapphire earrings my raspberry lip gloss has dried up and there’s a huge crease in my taffeta dress She drooped against the wall like she was about to faint
Malcolm glanced at his dad who stared down at his food They’d both learned a long time ago not to get involved in girl matters Grandma Eunice kept her head down too She stabbed at her macaroni and cheese like it might escape her plate Malcolm’s mom pointed to the Cocoa for Fair Queen flyer stuck on the refrigerator with a magnet Why don’t you wear the dress you wore in the photo she suggested Cocoa’s eyes grew twice their size She jerked up tall clutching the door frame with a kung-fu grip Malcolm braced himself for the explosion What she screamed I can’t wear the same dress Everyone will laugh at me Her volume was on high but she had difficulty forming words Then Malcolm saw the whitening strips she had on both her upper and lower teeth
Then we’ll steam the wrinkle out of the dress Mom proposed It’s more than a wrinkle Cocoa said It’s a canyon Grandma Eunice placed a hunk of macaroni noodles in her mouth Remember when we all went to the Grand Canyon Grandma Cocoa sobbed We’re dealing with a crisis right now Grandma nodded I rode a donkey Malcolm had never been to the Grand Canyon But he remembered seeing a picture of Grandma Eunice on a donkey scaling the canyon slopes That’s it Cocoa Malcolm said You’re sure to win if you ride in on a donkey You are a donkey she yelled back
