Free Thaddeus!

Free Thaddeus! — page 5

Free Thaddeus! — page 6 — Crooked Creek Middle School Morning Announcement Request Please include the following announcement February 2 Mr Cooper please announce that today's scheduled meeting of the American Society of Fun Facts has been canceled because the club's president is stuck in In School Suspension thanks a lot Maybe you should also warn the student body that they can actually get In School Suspension for the rest of the year even if they do NOTHING wrong Since we're on the subject I've been meaning to mention to you on a stylistic note that maybe you should do the announcements in rhymed couplets Something like If you are feeling tough and a bit macho You'll enjoy today's lunch of a delicious nacho This might help kids pay attention more When you drone on and on over the intercom every morning Blah blah blah progress reports blah blah blah don't chew gum everyone just kind of zones out after a while So when you get to the important announcements no one hears them Your poor presentation also hurts attendance at my club meetings Sincerely Thaddeus A Ledbetter soon to be Esq Crooked Creek Middle School

Free Thaddeus! — page 7 — CONFIDENTIAL Crooked Creek Middle School STUDENT INFORMATION FILE Student Thaddeus Ledbetter ID number 2234 Birth date 8 16 1 11 Thaddeus performed his own safety drill at our school today involving a pest control team classic cars and many natural disaster drills When I asked how he thought this could be a good idea he claimed it was a True Emergency Drill Due to these drills the school was overrun by local news trucks and coverage reached a national level Between the Dunham lawsuit the Citrus League threatening litigation the church fire and complaints from the art coalition this is the last straw 1 12 We had a discipline hearing this morning concerning all of Thaddeus's recent and numerous discipline matters Several people voiced their complaints Many feel Thaddeus has become dangerous to himself the other students and the community at large As a result I have decided to remove him from the general population and have assigned him to In School Suspension for the rest of the year I truly believe this is the best thing for everyone involved While these drastic measures are unprecedented I feel Thaddeus's offenses warrant unprecedented actions In retrospect when Mr Nelson Thaddeus's elementary school principal sent me a note wishing me good luck I probably should have seen this coming

Free Thaddeus! — page 8 — CONFIDENTIAL U Crooked Creek Middle School STUDENT INFORMATION FILE 1 15 Thaddeus began his ISS in the portable building behind the bus barn yet he still had time to draw up another one of his school improvement plans I'll add it to the others Dog holding pen currently space used for encyclopedias We haven't used hardcover encyclopedias in this millennium Students having easy access to their dogs increases their ability to learn Dog snack storage area Side note this is an excellent time to seriously consider smaller class sizes Not only is it better for learning but we could fit a lot more dogs THADDEUS A LEDBETTER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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