All I could see from the glow of the solar-powered light was a wooden platform and ropes tied to the tree trunks But a bit of the jungle peeked through and my heart leaped when I realized that she was in a tree house The dark night pressed into the lens I imagined at any second a jaguar would leap from the treetops Dozens of animal eyes were watching my mother from their perches in the canopy I scribbled jungle tree house vines and nighttime This was her bedroom The ropy hammock was her bed My face was pressed so close to the computer screen my eyes hurt and I was getting fingerprints all over the monitor It felt like our window was closing up Or that it was too small for me to climb through I wanted Mom to hurry back to show me her special find It could be our secret She was there to research the indigenous people of the rain forest Really I knew she was looking for links evidence that proved a certain behavior A rock was just a rock until some scientist found a rock that had an edge chipped away and formed what looked like a knife the evidence of a cutting tool like a prehistoric Swiss Army knife dug out of a junk drawer Links are big in the sciences of the past They prove stuff See I’m right they say Or Whoa I’m wrong Mom’s face peered back through our window At first all I saw was the red earthy color of dirt and some kind of bundle bundle It wasn’t a piece of broken pottery or a stony knife In her arms she cradled a tattered cloth that might have been a dress once a thousand years ago She loosened the swaddled
fabric and held her hands out palms up cupping the thing toward the camera It looked like she was holding a dehydrated dehydrated mango that had a puckered nose and sunken cheeks But from the way she cradled that ugly shriveled thing I realized it was precious The butterflies took flight again flying flying up into the sky of my stomach I swallowed and breathed hard through my nose What is it But I had a bad feeling that I already knew You tell me What do you see Her eyes glowed Mom was taking necessary scientific precautions holding the thing gingerly and looking at it with warm adoring eyes My face flushed hot but I shrugged the feeling away Don’t be immature Think it out You’ve got to have at least one good guess The light flickered in the background Mom curled her legs up in her chair like a cat waiting for me to move She tilted the shriveled mango thing toward the camera so I could get a better look Is it a baby I asked my mouth dry as dust The mango looked like a person a tiny clay-caked body Maybe Mom had found an ancient tomb with the remains of a dead baby buried in the ground and now she was holding it up like a present for me to gawk at She smiled triumphantly No it’s not a real baby It’s a doll Oh The more I looked at the thing the more foolish I felt It didn’t look like a real baby but rather one made of
cloth that was all dried up and puckered the way a washcloth washcloth shrinks up on the side of the tub Um that’s great Isn’t she beautiful Mom rocked her gently back and forth in the cradle of her palms I guess It belonged to a little girl hundreds of years ago just like you Stupid ugly shriveled doll I smiled showing every tooth in my mouth Cool She laughed reading my glued-on expression OK I know you’re too big for dolls I’m sorry She smiled right through the window at me Mom had the best laugh and smile in the world She looked even more beautiful in the jungle with her tangled hair and dirty shirt She was like a goddess a mythical woman both good and not so good because goddesses weren’t perfect That was one of their trademarks They were fearless and tough and always stood up for themselves But they also had one major flaw like jealousy or arrogance or selfishness That was their nature It wasn’t her fault she was in demand and traveled a lot That’s how goddesses were I smiled for real now The eye is made of a bead Mom said Her finger hovered over a tiny black dot on the scrunched up face
The ugly thing only had one eye yet Mom loved it That one stupid eye made it all the more valuable A tiny detail of seeing sewed onto the doll’s face It was a link The bead was kind of cool but I was so far away that I could barely see it through the glass window of the computer between us I touched the screen I traced my finger over the ugly face and wrinkled nose I tapped the beady eye Dumb doll I miss you I said suddenly But I didn’t want her to come home Instead I wanted to crawl through our window and join her in the tree house Sleep in a hammock Dig in the dirt Find a precious doll to cradle in our palms I miss you too baby How’s school Are you studying hard she asked again Yes Everything’s fine If I studied any harder my head would explode Good girl I can always count on you when I’m away I was just telling Sam how mature you are I’m a lucky mom to have you A layer of guilt settled over me This was her moment I’m glad you found the doll She jerked her head and the sound of cheering filtered into my room probably from the rest of the campsite She looked back at me a guilty shrug forming in her shoulders I should go Always something
