Dear Reader I don't know your actual real name so just pretend your name is in the place where I wrote Reader There are some French and Spanish words in this book because this book takes place in Paris When you see a French or Spanish word that you don't know just flip to the back of the book There is a glossary back there that will tell you what bonjour and merci mean and lots of other French and Spanish words too I know what you are thinking Wow thank you so much That is really helpful You're welcome I hope you enjoy this very amazing and hilarious story Love Wenicker
One THE BABY IS ALL EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT THESE DAYS I like Paris I like pain au chocolat I even usually like Mirabel Plouffe my FBFANDN French best friend and next door neighbor I like all kinds of things That’s why it is very unfair of Grandma Balthazar to say Oh Winicker you don’t like anything I do like things I like millions of things It’s not my fault I don’t like babies but Grandma Balthazar is frustrated at me anyway It is a rainy Friday afternoon and Grandma Balthazar is sitting across from me at the kitchen table She looks very glamorous with her silver hair in a fancy pile on top of her head and gold buttons on her shirt Glamorous and frustrated
I look very unglamorous in my favorite orange nightgown with a giant cowboy boot on the front My hair is silver too from a certain incident where I may have used Grandma Balthazar’s hair dye It is not in a fancy pile on the top of my head It is in a single sad bun When I lived in Three Rivers Massachusetts I always wore my hair in two buns on top of my head When my family moved to Paris a few months ago I protested with a single sad bun But when I decided to give Paris a chance I started wearing my two buns again Now everything is different Everything is awful I am wearing a single sad bun again because in three weeks I am getting a new baby brother And I am protesting I can’t think of anything worse than a baby brother Maybe crocodiles that crawl up through the sewer and sneak into my room and bite my feet off would be worse than a baby brother But
