Miranda and Maude #1: The Princess and the Absolutely Not a Princess
2 THE PRINCESS GETS OUT OF THE CAR As soon as the royal automobile stopped a tall man with a long curling mustache ran over HOW DO YOU DO the tall man boomed I’M PRINCIPAL FISH He clutched a very thick book against the middle of his chest Lovely to meet you QM said She looked at Miranda who was looking at her feet and wondering wondering what would happen to her fancy shoes Miranda had a feeling that school was full of dirt and sand and glue all of which could ruin her beautiful shoes HERE’S A COPY OF THE OFFICIAL RULES OF MOUNTAIN RIVER VALLEY ELEMENTARY 4
IT HAS EVERY SINGLE RULE OF THE SCHOOL IT’S VERY USEFUL Principal Fish yelled holding holding out the thick book Thank you replied QM AND NOW I’LL TAKE YOU TO MEET YOUR TEACHER hollered Principal Fish NORMALLY STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN UNTIL SEVEN FORTY-TWO BUT BECAUSE YOU’RE NEW YOU’RE NOT BREAKING RULE NUMBER FORTY-SIX If Princess Miranda noticed how loudly Principal Fish spoke she didn’t show it Still looking down at her shoes she followed QM and Principal Fish inside Mountain River Valley Elementary which smelled revoltingly like hard boiled eggs which the princess despised As soon as she was old enough to speak she had forbidden hard-boiled eggs inside the castle The princess held her breath as Principal Fish walked them past the gymnasium which smelled like socks his office which smelled like onions and old fish and the library which smelled like joy and cinnamon He took a left at the cafeteria and walked down the hall until he 5
reached a room with a sign on the door that said 3B in bright yellow letters THREE B Principal Fish shouted MIRANDA THIS IS YOUR CLASSROOM And I’ll be your teacher a young woman with brown hair said from the doorway I’m Miss Kinde That’s kind with an e Her voice was soothing and quiet Miranda looked confused She’s not a great speller QM said She’s probably behind in math and science too Her royal tutor QM wasn’t quite sure how to explain Madame Cornelia to Miss Kinde so she looked at her daughter who wasn’t listening to her because she was still looking down Shoes this nice the princess was thinking should not be in school The shoes which were heeled pink and sparkly were meant to be on ballroom floors or red carpets not in hallways that smelled like hard-boiled eggs YOU’RE IN GREAT HANDS WITH MISS KINDE Principal Fish roared BUT I MUST GO NOW THE CHILDREN ARE COMING He took 6
off practically but not quite running Running broke rule number two in the Official Rules of Mountain River Valley Elementary Let me show you and your mom around Miranda Miss Kinde said kindly but firmly Miranda finally looked up from her feet and walked into the classroom which thankfully didn’t smell like anything QM followed behind her We’re going to have a great year Miss Kinde said You’re going to love Three B Miranda stared at the woman in front of her She’d never like 3B let alone love it As Miss Kinde talked about book nooks and science centers the princess’s head began to ache She glanced out the window at the empty playground She’d probably have to go out there she thought her stomach somersaulting Even though Miranda was a kid she did not enjoy kid things like monkey bars or ice pops or freeze tag She liked nail polish shoes shoe shopping arranging furniture clothes clothes shopping rearranging furniture and planning parties She also liked being quiet 7
