sullenly at her boots and Gustav stares straight ahead We’ve never been on a train We’ve never even left Odessa A sudden fear grips me What if the train crashes What if the boat sinks What if America sends us back But I don’t have time to be scared The conductor orders us to the very last passenger car I grip Helene’s hand more tightly as the crowd on the platform surges toward the train Bodies bump against me and tall heads block my view Where is Father Panic strangles my throat What if I have lost him in this crowd Father I call Father But my words are lost in the hissing of the train and the shouts of the crowd Zizzy I hear Helene cry She wrenches free from my grip and scuttles into the crowd Helene I scream I turn to shove backward through the sea of passengers but the bodies are too tightly packed Everyone is pushing forward and no one is paying attention to me I’m just one young girl among so many others My vision blurs with tears I have lost my little sister I have lost Father I am alone
A hand tugs my arm I turn to see a dark-haired girl about my age She pulls me backward and we tumble out of the crowd I see Helene standing on the platform clutching her wooden horse Tears stream down her cheeks I rush toward her and gather her in my arms I dropped Zizzy Helene wails And then I was all alone It’s okay I tell her I’m here now The train whistle shrills We have to board the train I tell Helene tugging her behind me toward the passenger car I scan the crowd for the dark-haired girl but I don’t see her As we near the car door I see my father leaning out looking worriedly over the crowd of people Step back sir the car attendant orders Father We’re here I call I push through the people and hoist Helene into my father’s arms Then I step up into the train just as the final boarding call sounds I take one last breath of Russian air before the door closes and the train lurches forward into the unknown
Chapter 3 A New Friend The train car is packed so tightly we can barely move Only the elderly have places to sit The rest of us have to stand I try to keep my balance as the train sways left and right The knots in my stomach twist and untwist I think I might throw up But at least we are all here Father Helene Karl Katarina Where’s Gustav I gasp searching the faces for my older brother Father shrugs and smiles He went wandering through the train he says I nod and relax Gustav nearly seventeen is often disappearing He doesn’t have much patience for us younger siblings Karl fidgets craning his neck to look around I can’t see anything he whines How long until we get to the ship A long time Father tells him First we go to Poland And then to Germany Then we board the ship I sigh The train journey will be long And there’s nothing to do but stand here I close my eyes and try to remember everything I can about Odessa for I know I will never see the city again I see our tiny home I see the walls around our German settlement separating us from the
rest of the city I see the Potemkin Stairs two hundred steps that rise from the seashore into the city I remember teaching Helene to walk up those steps when she was a toddler I can still see the proud joy on her face after she climbed each step Helene will probably never remember Odessa I have to hold onto the memories for her Soon I get used to the swaying of the train and it nearly lulls me to sleep on my feet Each time the train stops at a station passengers get off Finally seats open up and I fall into one pulling Helene onto my lap In the seat in front of me I see the dark-haired girl who found Helene When she catches me staring at her she blushes and looks down I lean forward Thank you for finding my sister I tell her The girl shrugs It was no trouble she says her voice soft and shy I’m Emma I tell her My name is Ruth I’m Helene my little sister cries We’re going to America Ruth grins at her and seems to relax I am too she says Are you all alone I ask her She nods My father is already in America He will meet me when I get off the boat As she speaks I realize she is Jewish I’ve never spoken to a Jew before The Jews in Odessa were always separate just as we Germans were
