It’s like this the man says I’ve got worms Rudy and I shoot each other a look We had worms a year ago An awful tasting tablespoon of medicine cleared them up It was a few days before I realized we’d drunk worm poison Wigglers the man says They’re itchy Rudy says Really itchy I add The man gives us a worried look I mean Eisenia fetida The Californian earthworm Red wigglers Rudy and I don’t know what to say Look the man continues I bought a pound of the worms a month ago to help break down my compost pile They eat up all the compost and then they excrete Excrete Rudy riffles through his thesaurus Oh 6
castings the man continues Fertilizer Worm poop Rudy says Manure Indeed Problem is my red wigglers are multiplying like crazy I started with fifty and now I’ve got thousands My compost pile is all worms There’s no food left for them to eat I’ve been thinking maybe you two could sell them I don’t want the money you make I just want the worms to find good homes The man opens his tailgate and slides a large plastic container off the back of his truck They’re yours For free He lifts the lid Rudy and I lean in It’s a party in there a mound of skinny red worms sliding between under and over each other It’s like live spaghetti Rudy gulps 8
Breathe I tell him Rudy often gets anxious Lots of things worry him but especially surprises Taking long deep breaths helps him calm down People won’t pay for worms he warbles That’s like paying for dirt Maybe we could just give them away I suggest No one will take them if they’re free the man says First rule of 9
