on top of his nightly thievery Peter also had household chores Every second Tuesday he was sent out by Mr Seamus to fetch steal food from the market This particular second-Tuesday was no exception Get up worm Mr Seamus hollered as he clumped down the cellar stairs shortly after dawn It’s grocery day I don’t feed you just to loll around here all morning Peter had spent the night burgling and had just gotten to bed an hour before You don’t feed me anyway he muttered in what can only be called an act of sleepy stupidity The next moment he felt a big meaty fist grab hold of his hair and yank him to his feet Don’t forget who you’re talkin to worm Mr Seamus said dragging Peter’s scrawny frame upstairs and through the main house Just for that it’s a double-shift You’ll bring me food and money and a chew toy for Killer The dog licked his chops appreciatively as they passed Yes sir Forgive me Peter said with genuine remorse He knew better than to talk back but words as you know sometimes have a way of slipping out Save your sorries for the hangman Mr Seamus shoved the boy into the street and threw his burgle-sack after him That had better be full when I see you again Or else he said slamming the door Peter picked himself up and slung his bag over one shoulder Hearing fat raindrops percolating in the clouds high above he sighed Rain presents a unique problem for those in Peter’s line of work You see when it
rains rich people seldom come out for fear of melting If they do venture out of doors they are usually accompanied by umbrella-bearing servants who keep a close watch for pickpockets There is nothing a town loves to do more than hang pickpockets and any criminal hoping to steal a wallet under such circumstances is putting himself at great risk It was for this reason that Peter had hardly managed to nick a single thing over the course of this unpleasant rainy afternoon He was rounding a corner with his shirt full of broccoli and kippers thinking about how much trouble he would be in if he didn’t bring any money back for Mr Seamus when he happened upon a crowd of people gathered by the dock This was a great stroke of luck as a rule pickpockets thrive on tightly packed crowds Even better all of the umbrella-bearing servants were just as distracted as their masters The boy ditched his groceries and set to work at once He carefully picked his way through the crush lifting billfolds from eager onlookers and trying to figure out what was causing such a commotion Do you tire of looking like a friar a voice boomed from somewhere beyond the crowd Is your scalp as bare as an Alp Not anymore This fine turban made of bearskin from the dark South Seas will restore your luscious locks overnight The voice belonged to a man standing somewhere to Peter’s left Hats for every head Whatever your need look no further His voice was confident and smooth his words like a spell holding the crowd captive It might be wise to pause a moment and explain the many details of this scene that were lost to Peter Nimble He was unable to see the leaning tower of hats perched atop the man’s head He was also unable to study the speaker’s sharp jaw crooked red nose and long owlish eyebrows The only thing Peter knew was that this man had provided a perfect opportunity for a young pickpocket to practice his art on a hapless crowd Peter continued wallet shopping slipping his fingers into pockets and purses with ease He had to suppress a grin the people were so focused on the Haberdasher’s patter that none of them felt a thing The man was presently sharing an account of where he found his wondrous wares He claimed he had journeyed beyond the borders of the map to the great uncharted waters of the world There he discovered hats made from tapestries toadstools and dragon scales All of which I offer today at a special discount he exclaimed Peter considered the man’s words as he loaded his burgle-sack The boy found himself half wishing such magical places really did exist they would certainly be more appealing than his port town But of course they weren’t real he reminded himself it was all just fairy-tale nonsense Nonsense you say the Haberdasher’s voice broke in Perhaps I can convince you otherwise Peter stopped mid-nick It almost sounded as though the man had just addressed him directly But of course lad the voice said
The boy slid his fingers out of the constable’s back pocket as he felt the eyes of the crowd turn on him M-m-me sir he said pulling the flap over the mouth of his burgle-sack Who else I wonder if I might steal you away for a moment Peter did not move The Haberdasher changed his tack addressing the man beside Peter Oh constable he said Would you clear a path so the lad can pick his way through Peter’s throat went dry He listened as the burly lawman waddled past him nudging people aside with his baton You heard the fellow he said in a commanding voice Let the boy pass Everyone waited for Peter to step forward Don’t be shy lad the Haberdasher chuckled It would be criminal to leave us all hanging The man obviously knew what Peter had been up to and was threatening to expose him for his crimes Peter had no choice taking care to look harmless and clumsy he groped his way to the front of the crowd The Haberdasher grabbed his hand enthusiastically shaking it Nice to have you on board He turned back to the audience And now I have a special demonstration for you lucky folk Peter tried to get a sense of his surroundings To his right was the Haberdasher who smelled of wet wool mixed with a tinge of regret Immediately behind him was the man’s carriage pulled by a pair of no not horses Peter had robbed a sea circus when he was seven and since then had retained an excellent nose for exotic animals But what were these strange creatures Keep clear of the zebras lad They kick The crowd laughed at the good-hearted warning Peter however was far from laughing It was almost as if this man could read his mind But that was impossible Hardly the man whispered leaning close It only takes a bit of practice Peter backed away from the stranger bumping straight into his wooden carriage As he steadied himself his fingers landed on something cold metal and familiar A lock Peter’s pulse quickened If there was one thing he loved most about his job it was picking locks He considered every lock to be a personal challenge By definition locks are designed to tell you what you can’t do You can’t have the food inside this trunk You can’t escape this cellar You can’t learn what’s inside this carriage Each lock jailed a treasure that demanded to be liberated and Peter was always happy to oblige The boy ran his fingers over the dead bolt which was slick with rain It was tempered steel the sort of material used for guarding only the most valuable secrets He slid his hands farther along the door feeling for the hinge but instead he came across a thick hasp that connected to another lock And another And another The entire carriage was
covered with locks of every shape and size He smiled to himself this was suddenly getting much more interesting While Peter cased the carriage the Haberdasher spoke to the crowd The time has finally come for me to reveal a hat more amazing than all my others combined One made especially for you The people leaned forward in eager anticipation Now we all know the chief problem of living in a port town the smell How can one hope to maintain dignity in a place that forever reeks of fish There was a general murmur of agreement from the people as they sniffed the air in disdain Well reek no more The Haberdasher produced a stack of flimsy leather skullcaps These caps tanned and stretched in the purest air of the Cloudlands are guaranteed to remove all unsavory scents from their wearers The crowd broke out in astonishment Impossible you say To prove my claim I present to you an expert judge one who lives by his nose alone Peter who had been secretly studying the carriage locks with his fingers lowered his hands as he once again felt the crowd’s attention fall on him The Haberdasher took the boy’s shoulder Everybody knows that blind people have a keen olfactory sense able to detect even the faintest of odors That is precisely why I have called this young urchin to assist in my next demonstration He gently guided Peter back into the crowd If you would lad I’ll ask you to smell the constable here Peter stood motionless in front of the lawman who shifted his weight awkwardly from foot to foot Go ahead have a good sniff the Haberdasher said to the boy What does he smell like Peter could tell that the man was looking for an honest report and the truth was none too pleasant He smells like fish sir The Haberdasher gasped clearly pleased Fish you say What else Peter sniffed again And stale beer And Peter could not resist And belly wind The crowd burst into laughter at the red faced constable A toxic blend indeed the Haberdasher said Now see here the lawman blustered Keep on like that and I’ll arrest you both Before he could object further the Haberdasher offered the constable a leather cap Would you be so kind as to place one of these miraculous hats on your head The officer still blushing removed his helmet and set the cap on his bald crown He offered the crowd an embarrassed smile The Haberdasher turned back to Peter And what about now lad Peter hesitated his nose inches away from the constable’s sweating belly The man smelled exactly the same But being a clever boy Peter understood at once what the Haberdasher wanted him to say He didn’t trust the man but something deep inside him
