For Robin and Amanda Petrogiannis big readers and great friends
Chapter One I don’t mean to be mean But I can’t resist an opportunity Like this morning during recess I am hanging in the schoolyard with my buds and Nelson Wong walks by His eyes are glued to the asphalt Guys like me make guys like Nelson nervous Let me be clear I don’t have anything against Nelson It’s not his fault he’s a 1
Monique Polak math genius or that he’s skinnier than a rake Today he happens to be wearing these baggy gray trackpants They are practically falling off his bony butt Those pants are my opportunity I grin when I see Nelson pull up his pants Then I turn to Trevor and Luke and say Watch this guys Trevor snorts in anticipation Most kids laugh Trevor snorts Luke who believes that nothing happens until it gets posted on YouTube whips his cell phone out of his back pocket I jog over to where Nelson is huddled with a group of math geniuses They are probably discussing ratios and right angles so Nelson doesn’t realize I am behind him That’s when I pants him It doesn’t take much effort I just grab the elasticized band at the top of his trackpants and give a little tug Two 2
Bullies Rule seconds later Nelson’s knobby knees are knocking together and his trackpants are around his ankles What I never expected and what makes the whole thing even funnier is that Nelson is wearing red-and-blue Superman boxer shorts Even the other math nerds fall over laughing Nelson hikes up his pants but it is too late The whole schoolyard is hooting I hear Tanya before I see her She is singing the chorus of Five for Fighting’s Superman song I’m more than a bird I’m more than a plane Now I spot her standing by the fence Tanya Leboff is the hottest girl in eighth grade I’ve had a thing for her since elementary school Most girls with eyes that blue have blond hair but Tanya’s hair is so dark it is almost black Not surprisingly her two sidekicks Evie and Lily are singing along with her 3
