making the whole thing up No one could read that squished-spider writing Dear Friends she read We are waiting for your visit There’s plenty of room for everyone We’ll take you to Vrgada the island where Gordana was born Meanwhile here’s a picture of Krk She sends her love and so do I Fred Who’s Fred Max asked And who’s Gordana I said They’re old friends of ours my father said From a long time ago They used to live in Yugoslavia my mother explained But the country doesn’t exist anymore If a country stops existing where does it go Does it just drop off the map Or does the sea swallow it up like the lost continent of Atlantis And where do the people go Do they escape in boats or on foot Or do they wake up one morning and find out that they’re living in a new country with new food and different houses Where do they live now I asked After the war in Yugoslavia said my father sounding just like my hundred-year-old history teacher the country split into five new countries One of them is Croatia That’s where Fred and Gordana live now
Oh boy A country broken up by a war where people spoke a language with no vowels and that no one could understand The perfect place for a vacation I don’t know about you but I didn’t even know where Croatia was Though I had the feeling I’d be finding out soon I knew my parents They just loved visiting a new country or discovering an out-of-the-way place Who knows what would have happened if Max hadn’t lost his marbles that day Sure enough the next week when I came back from school there was a book on the kitchen table Serbo-Croatian for Beginners I sighed I wasn’t in the mood to learn another language And I didn’t want to go off on one of my parents great escapes to nowhere How could I get out of this trip I went upstairs and told my brother that we had to figure out a plan to stop our parents from taking us on another crazy family vacation Then I went to my room and closed the door The next minute Max came bursting in I know We’ll hide in the basement We’ll stock up on food and take the TV down there They can go on their own
Poor Max He actually thought our parents would abandon us just like that Don’t be silly I told him They would never leave us alone What if we stayed with Grandma They’d say she’s too old to take care of us Then we could take care of her Max suggested When she loses her keys or her glasses or her shoes I could find them for her I sighed Then Max got another of his great ideas I know he said We could say we’re allergic to the food there We can’t eat krumpir What’s that Krumpir means potatoes in Croatian Everybody knows that Sure everybody But nobody’s allergic to potatoes Then I looked at him again Have you been reading that book Well kind of I started at the back There’s a list of things to eat That’s Max for you The human vacuum cleaner Couldn’t you learn to say something better than potatoes How about chocolate milkshake I didn’t see anything about milkshakes in the book Just great I thought I was going to a country where
there was nothing to eat but potatoes Since there didn’t seem to be any way out of this trip the next day after reading the first pages of the language book we decided to practice our extremely large vocabulary at the dinner table Ja sam Charlie I said to my mother Ja sam Max my brother said to Miro Ja sam gladan strange Then we burst out laughing The words sure sounded My mother was happy That’s great We were afraid you boys wouldn’t want to go on this trip Who says we want to go I asked But you’re learning the language That must mean you’re willing to go As if we had any choice I thought We’ll be able to count on you to talk to people over there my father added Kids learn languages faster than adults Sometimes it was better not to know too much I’d heard somewhere that a little knowledge could be a dangerous thing I turned to Max Hey what does gladan mean
